


Phan Oneshot Collection

by EliseThePhangirl



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, One Shot Collection, Phanfiction, the warnings will be posted at the start of each oneshot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2018-11-02 21:20:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10952943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EliseThePhangirl/pseuds/EliseThePhangirl
Summary: My Oneshots, originally posted on Wattpad, but now also avilible here and maybe on Tumblr later. These vary from AUs and reality. Warings and a short summary are at the start of each chapter





	1. Hearts

"Hey Phil listen to this: A scientist recently discovered the cause of the unexpected death of the healthy Florian Johnson. After the man had been found dead in his apartment in Chicago, medics were searching for answers, because no one understood what had happened. They could only conclude that something went wrong with his heart, but the man and heart itself didn't have signs of a cardiac disease. What they did discover was that just a few hours before his death Johnson had gotten the news of the sudden passing of his wife. She had been involved in a car accident and died in the ambulance.   
Researchers from the Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center found that a person's risk of suffering from a heart attack increases by 21 times in the first 24 hours after losing a loved one.  
The medics and scientists are now suspecting this to be the cause of death. The syndrome got the name 'Broken Heart syndrome'."  
Phil was listening intensely to the words spilling from Dan's lips. It was always fascinating to watch the words being constructed carefully on his lips, before actually spilling past his lips, and being shared with the world. Never were the words that actually made it into the world stupid or uninteresting.

"What Dan, are you afraid you'll die if you don't find love?" He laughed at his best friend's randomness, but deep down scoffed at his own remark. Dan did have love, his love, but he just didn't realise it.

"No, actually I was wondering if could happen when someone just as close to you as a spouse were to die. Like for example you. You know more about me than anyone else, including my parents. I think if I were to lose you, I'd loose purpose. I spent more time with you than any partner I've had in the past, travelled more with you than my parents and shared more memories with you than... Well everyone. I'd almost say that I couldn't live without you."

Dan looked back at his laptop. Phil scooted closer to him, and put his arm around the younger boy. Whenever Dan thought too.much, he ended up having a breakdown, and to prevent that from happening Phil had to comfort and reassure him.  
"Dan, listen to me. I'm not going to leave you anytime soon. You won't loose me, ever. Even if I may not be there one day, I will be with you every step of the way. I cleared your mind when it was clouded, that's what you told me, remember? Hearts are like a big storage room full of memories, and depending on how fond you are of those memories, how dearly you want to keep them, they'll be more and more secured, si they'll never leave. I don't know if I'm part of these memories or not, and if I am, you can treasure these memories forever. If I am not, I hope you have a memory you want to treasure forever. But know that you're my best friend forever. That's the plan. No matter in what content, whatever we become, first and foremost you are my best friend, and always will be. So, yes it may be Valentine's day and don't pretend this isn't the reason you brought it up. And yes you may be in your mid-twenties and I may be 30, and we still haven't 'settled down' as our families keep asking, but maybe this, our lives on YouTube, our apartment, Us, is our version of settling down. Settling down does not mean starting a family and an 9 to 5 job. Settling down means being content enough with your life to not have to search as much for happiness. And I don't know about you, but I'm almost the happiest I've ever been, and you certainly contribute to a lot of that happiness."

"Phil, you spork. You're rambling. Of course my fondest memories are with you, abs even if I tried, I don't think I'd ever be able to live without you, let alone forget about you. That never. You are, as everyone always says, my personal sun."

There was a pause in their conversation, both boys thinking if their next words, and processing the previously spoken ones. Then, after realising Phil said something he's rather unsettled by, Dab pipes up: "Phil, you said 'you are almost the happiest you've ever been'. What's the almost about? I don't want to pry, but I'd do anything to lose the almost."

Phil sighed, and thought over their conversation in his head. So maybe that hadn't been the smartest.move, to point out that he could be happier.  
Then, he thought 'frick it'.

"Okay, I'm going to try something. If it works, the almost will be gone. If it doesn't, then I am sincerely sorry for what I am about to do."

Dan looked confused for the few seconds Phil actually looked at his face. The older boy cupped his cheeks softly, and started leaning in slowly. Just millimetres away from his lips, Phil paused, giving Dan the time to pull away if he wanted to. When he didn't, Phil closed the gap between their lips.

The kiss was short, and far from perfect. Form their awkward position next to each other on the sofa with crossed.legs, to bumping noses and general idea to get used to. But it was all both of them had hoped for, longed after and should've done so much sooner.

"Hey Dan," came Phil's voice, barely a whisper, "happy Valentine's day. I'm the happiest I've ever been."

"Right back at you. What did Pooh say again? O yeah: 'Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend'. And even more important: 'if there ever comes a day we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever'. But most importantly: 'A friend is someone who helps you up when you're down and if they can't, they lay down beside you and listen'. So, I am the happiest I've ever been and this is the most fun I've ever had"


	2. Glee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Glee Inspired high school AU no one asked for

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Bit of anxiety

Dan's POV

I stood by the door watching as the choir room slowly filled, boys and girls coming in and taking their usual seats. Mr. Fimish stepped forward and addressed the group. "Two weeks ago we won regionals, but we won't be able to go to nationals because last week Jeremy dropped out, so he can focus on his Rugby scholarship. Now, the rulebooks state that a competing school-choir must at least have 12 competing members. We always were a group of 12, but now we lack one member. However, this morning Phil came up to me and told me he might have someone to fill that spot. Now he also told me that this particular person has some trouble admitting he can sing well, or perform in front of an audience for that matter. So give him some love, and here is Dan Howell."

Swallowing hard, I walked towards the middle of the room. "Hi..." I cleared my throat again. Phil was smiling his signature smile at me, the one I rarely saw when we were in public. I took one more deep breath.

"Okay, nothing to lose I guess. This is a weird song to sing but, 'If I die young' is one of my most treasured songs so......" I gestured to the pianist, who nodded and prepared.

"If I die young, bury me in satin  
Lay me down on a bed of roses  
Sink me in a river at dawn  
Send me away with the words of a love song  
Uh oh, uh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother  
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colours, oh,  
And life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no  
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby  
The sharp knife of a short life, oh well  
I've had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin  
Lay me down on a bed of roses  
Sink me in the river at dawn  
Send me away with the words of a love song  
The sharp knife of a short life, oh well  
I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom  
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger,   
I've never known the lovin' of a man  
But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand,   
There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever,   
Who would have thought forever could be severed by...

...the sharp knife of a short life, oh well?  
I've had just enough time

So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls  
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh, no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar  
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner  
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'  
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin' "

I stopped singing. Everyone was staring at me. "Um... I'm sorry. I'll just... um... yeah." I felt the tears start to form in the corner of my eyes so I turned around and sprinted out of the room. The nearest toilets were just down the hall, and they were luckily empty. I entered the first stall, locked the door and slid onto the ground. I stared at the floor, my knees drawn to my chest. I sat numbly, not processing anything. Therefor I didn't hear the door open and I didn't hear footsteps approaching.

"Dan..? I know you're in there."

"I'm sorry Phil, you promised them someone who could sing, and I just disappoint them and crush their hope. If I'd known you were betting your chance at going to nationals I wouldn't have said yes when you asked. I...I just....."

"Dan please open the door." I turned the lock slowly, and pushed the door open with no power behind it. Before I could register anything else, Phil's arms were around me and he was hugging me tightly. "Dan, you were amazing. You made me want to cry as if you were actually telling me your last wishes. Everyone was staring because they were impressed, and maybe a little intimidated. Because this kid comes in, who claims he can't sing and has never ever done something with his voice outside of the shower, and blows the whole choir away with one of the hardest songs ever sung in our show choir. Of course they were staring, at your raw talent that is. Now, will you please follow me back to the choir room, because I think Mr. Fimish wants to welcome you to our group officially?"

We walked to the door and opened it. As soon as we stepped in the entire room burst into applause. I instantly recoiled from the loud noise, only to bump into Phil, who was blocking the door. His hand landed on my back as small encouragement.

"Welcome to the team Dan, I think we've found the best vocals in the school. Now, as excited as I am for our new addition, I have to announce something else. The 'theme' of nationals has been made known, and this year it is, drumroll please, #WHEREISTHELOVE. Now I thought we could play a little trick on this theme. We all know and love 'We found love' by Rihanna, and it completely clashes with the theme, so this will be our big final number. Furthermore will be a secret, but you'll see."

\--Nationals—

The time for practising choreography was over, we couldn't practise that high note just one more time. It was Showtime. Well, almost. Tomorrow 15 of Great Britain's best show choirs were going to compete to win the title of 'Best British Show Choir' and move on to the international rounds. It was the competition of the year, it was exciting, and it was enticing and inspiring.

I wanted death. I wanted to hide in the bathroom of the hotel room I was in, sob into my knees a few hours, then scroll through Tumblr till I die. But I couldn't disappoint Phil. Every time we practised our duet, he'd have this look on his face that made everything worth it.

Speaking of the devil, Phil walked into our shared room, a smile on his face. It softened into an even lovelier smile, and it warmed my heart.

"Ready for the big show?" I nodded, not meeting his eyes, because he would detect the lies in them if I were to look at him.

"Um... I have to go to the bathroom, I'll be back." I fled the room. I couldn't take. I couldn't disappoint him. I didn't want to go out on that stage and sing in front of all those people.

I certainly had something with bathrooms and crying. Once again I found myself sobbing into my knees, on the ground of some London hotel. And once again my saviour came in the form of a knock on the door.

"Dan, open the door, please." I turned the lock and fell into the arms of my personal angel. Somehow, only being in Phil's presence calmed me.

"Bear, I know you're scared to go out on the stage tomorrow, but I might have the solution. As long as you're too nervous to look at the crowd, just look at me. I'm always on stage with you, so just look at me. Forget we're on stage, forget about the other people, and just think you're performing in front of me. Can you do that?"

"I think..."

"Good. Now let's get some sleep, it's a big day tomorrow."

\----

"Next is from London, The Outcasted. Give them a big applause."

The lights came on, and illuminated Phil and I's faces. The intro to the song started playing. I focused on Phil, on his blue eyes, the familiarity of them soothing for my nerves. The song and choreography came to me automatically.

Uh, oh, oh  
Uh, oh, oh

You were in college working part time waiting tables  
Left a small town, never looked back  
I was a flight risk with a fear of fallin'  
Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts

I say, "Can you believe it?"  
As we're lying on the couch  
The moment I can see it.  
Yes, yes, I can see it now.

Do you remember, we were sitting there by the water?  
You put your arm around me for the first time.  
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter.  
You are the best thing that's ever been mine.

Flash forward and we're taking on the world together,  
And there's a drawer of my things at your place.  
You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded,  
You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes.

But we got bills to pay,  
We got nothing figured out,  
When it was hard to take,  
Yes, yes, this is what I thought about.

Do you remember, we were sitting there by the water?  
You put your arm around me for the first time  
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter  
You are the best thing that's ever been mine.

Do you remember all the city lights on the water?  
You saw me start to believe for the first time  
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter  
You are the best thing that's ever been mine.

Oh, oh, oh, oh

And I remember that fight  
Two-thirty AM  
As everything was slipping right out of our hands  
I ran out crying and you followed me out into the street  
Braced myself for the "Goodbye."  
'Cause that's all I've ever known  
Then you took me by surprise  
You said, "I'll never leave you alone."

You said, "I remember how we felt sitting by the water.  
And every time I look at you, it's like the first time.  
I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter.  
She is the best thing that's ever been mine."

Hold on, make it last  
Hold on, never turn back

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter  
You are the best thing that's ever been mine.

(Hold on) do you believe it?

(Hold on) we're gonna make it now.

(Hold on) and I can see it,  
(Yes, yes) I can see it now (see it now, see it now...)

The music faded away, and I heard the rest of the group come onto the stands behind us, but all I had eyes for was Phil, who was smiling a smile usually reserved for when we were with just the two of us.

There was no time to stall however, as we had to announce ourselves.

"So, we are The Outcasted. And we believe that love is also in loving yourself, no matter how you were born. Let's go!" Phil's voice flowed around the theatre.  
"Here is Born This Way By Lady Gaga!"  
\--  
There was barely time to recover from that song, before we were moving again. We made our ways, just into the coulisses before the music came back on and I was walking out again.

'We Found Love' by Rihanna was a beautiful song and I felt priviliged to get the solo.  
\---  
The song rang out across the stage. We were moving towards our end positions, facing each other. I was facing Phil, pouring everything I had into the last bit. We stepped closer, closer than we'd practised, and just as the last note was belted out, he grabbed my hand and pulled me closer. We were chest to chest, and he was leaning in. I closed my eyes.

I knew it was coming, but his lips were still unexpected. They were soft against my own, and drew me in. after a few seconds, we pulled away. My senses came back, and the sound of applause rang in my ears. We walked off stage and into the greenroom, where we we're going to wait for the results.

"Hey, Dan. Was... was that okay? I'm sorry if you didn't feel the same way as I did. I've wanted to do that for so long and just after Mine I wanted to do it more than ever, and I had the perfect opportunity so I just....."

I silenced him by pecking his lips. "That was more than okay. But, being serious, I have to ask something." He looked scared. "Will you be my boyfriend?" he nodded, dumbfounded, and stared at me.

I couldn't help myself when I reached up and caressed his cheek, only for him to pull me closer, and kiss me deeply.

"Not to interrupt the moment, but the results are in. we have to get out there." Mr. Fimish looked at us a bit sheepish, but mostly proudly.

\----

"First, the best vocalist at this competition this year is..... Dan Howell!"

I turned to Phil completely stunned. He mouthed "I knew you'd win" at me, before I was handed the small trophy shaped like a music note.

"Winner of the 2017 British show choir competition is....... From London, The Outcasted! They found love, in the most literal way possible."

Applause erupted once again. My team was cheering but I had eyes for only one person. Phil was staring back at me, the biggest smile on his face. I pulled him closer by his belt loops, and connected our lips.

It already felt natural to do. Everything but us disappeared. My cheering mates, the audience, everything. Only Phil and I existed.

We had truly found love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was so cheesy  
> Songs in order of use+ links  
> If I die Young- the Band Perry Male cover: https://youtu.be/fUO2w34LUYM  
> Mine-Taylor Swift male cover: https://youtu.be/SgOYDFn_wGE  
> Born This Way- Lady Gaga male cover:https://youtu.be/aZe1fcYLwBg   
> We Found Love- Rihanna male cover: https://youtu.be/6I3kgbBp6PY


	3. Secrets are the best when they no longer exist

To: Phil  
hey, up for a movie marathon tonight

From: Phil  
Yeah sure. Anything to get my head out of the work gutter :) 

It had been a while since the two had hung out. Phil was honestly looking forward to it more than he should have. Dan and him had been best friends since their first year of high school, and eventually became flatmates after Dan dropped out of Law study.

He later went for a teacher’s degree. While studying in the library one day a girl had dropped her books on his head. (Dan still didn’t know how Kate managed to drop 7 law books). They hit it off right away, and two years later Dan popped the question. Phil had spent hours with Dan whilst the latter contemplated whether or not he should ask her, and eventually did it anyway.   
Kate worked as a lawyer at a big, well-known law firm. Dan found a job as a pre-school teacher, which didn’t pay very well, but he loved it. Kate always ‘provided’ for the two of them. It was only a year into their marriage that Dan had come bursting into Phil’s apartment, screaming he was going to be a dad. 

Phil had gotten a job at BBC, first as assistant, but later being promoted to DJ. He lived in an apartment not far from Kate and Dan’s house. When Michael was born Dan often had to cancel plans with his best friend because Kate was working late and he had to take care of Mike. Phil understood, but still felt sad every time Dan cancelled.

Now, Mike was four, and starting pre-school at the end of August. Lately, Phil had been busy with some major events coming up where he had to prepare for. Now, he was happy to take his mind off of work to hang out with his best friend.

To: Phil  
i’ll be over in 10  
\--

True to his word, 11 minutes later, the sound of keys turning in the lock reached Phil’s ears. Dan had always had the tendency to forget to text Phil before he came over, and after one accident where Dan had sat outside for half an hour in the pouring rain because Phil didn’t know he was coming over and had gone to the store, he’d given the brunet his spare key so he could get in.   
Dan walked into the living room, holding out a plastic bag. “I’ve got Malteasers, popcorn, crisps, and many other things that aren’t good for us but are too damn good to pass on.” He plopped down on the couch next to Phil, and almost on top of him. Personal space was nothing to them, not after being friends for so long.

“How are you? I haven’t seen you in a while. The BBC thought it was fun to make me interview every possible type of celebrity that is coming to the Brits.”   
“I’m good. Kate is out of town for a big case in America. Some drugs gang was arrested in America, but they’re British. Mike is at my mom’s for a few days, because I have to work so I’m home alone for now. And you should be excited that you get to interview all these people. It’s better than being a weatherman isn’t it?” he was mocking his friend. The period in which Phil had wanted to become a weatherman was always a good way to mock the ebony haired man.

“If you needed Mike out of the house for a few days you could’ve dropped him off here. I’d love to see him again. I could take him to the studio. I’m sure Louise could take care of him while I’m live.” He didn’t go on about Kate being out of town.

Kate and Phil had never gotten along well. It was more like ‘you are the best friend of my husband and my child’s godfather so I have to tolerate you’, at least for Kate. Phil was sure they would’ve gotten along if Kate hadn’t disliked him without reason. The first time she came visiting the flat Dan and he lived in at that moment, she’d stepped inside, kissed Dan as greeting, and sat down on the couch, ignoring Phil who’d opened door. Dan never really noticed they didn’t get along.   
\---

Spending the night watching movies of all sorts of genres got Phil feeling like they were back in their crappy dorm rooms. Dan made sarcastic comments on the characters’ actions, spilled popcorn when he got jump scared, and insisted they watched just one more movie while his eyelids drooped. It was nearing two AM, and Dan insisted they watch the last of the three Lord of the Rings movies, because “You can’t just watch the first two movies and then leave the third movie for abandoned.” 

And like always when Dan insisted on a movie marathon, he fell asleep when Frodo and Sam got to Minas Morgul. He was leaning on Phil’s shoulder, and Phil therefor felt the exact moment the brunet fell asleep. While this used to be a normal occurrence during their uni-days, but now not so much.

The responsibility that came with fatherhood had turned Dan from someone who could pull an all-nighter and still sit through lectures to a man who would often fall asleep at ten whilst watching television. Phil was surprised he’d even held out this long. He let Dan sleep, who was now positioned with his head on the elder’s chest.

He switched off the television and lay down, slowly lowering the sleeping man down with him. Dan would be impossible to wake right now, and Phil was too lazy to get up and move to his bedroom.  
\--- 

“Somebody once told me the world is gonna role me, I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed…”

Phil felt disorientated when he woke up. There was a weight on his chest and something tickling his chin. All Star blared through his living room, but Dan, the weight on his chest, didn’t even stir.  
The source of the sound was Dan’s phone, conveniently located next to Phil’s head on his coffee table. Not fully awake yet, he picked up the phone and answered the call.

“This is Dan’s phone, Phil speaking.”

“Hey Phil, I didn’t expect you to pick up. Although, I should have known he’d go to you. Anyway can you tell him that I need his lawyer’s contact info the custody matter? Thank you. Bye.” 

He didn’t even get to say one more word before Kate hung up. He lay there, Dan still breathing slowly. He was so confused by the conversation he’d just had, if you could even call it that. Lawyer? Custody?   
He looked down at the sleeping form of his best friend. He looked peaceful, hair slightly curly and lips parted. Only now did he notice the prominent bags under Dan’s eyes. It looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

As if on cue, Dan snuggled deeper into Phil’s chest and moved his hand to grip Phil’s shirt. His left hand. The hand that for the past five years had held a gold band. Now it was gone. The tan line the ring had left was still there, but fading.

In the time that Dan slept, Phil thought. What had he missed in those few weeks that he’d been busy for the BBC? He had constantly been in the studio, where phones weren’t allowed, or at home, where he’d go through interview after interview with his phone turned off so he wouldn’t get distracted. 

He picked his own phone up and opened his text conversation with Dan. Not a day passed when one wouldn’t text the other, even if it was just a picture of a dog (more of then not Phil) or a meme (Dan had too much time on his hands sometimes). But now, as he looked through the messages he saw that Dan hadn’t texted him in 6 days before today. Normally Phil would’ve noticed, but his busy schedule had made him a bit oblivious.

Now Phil was getting increasingly worried. Why hadn’t Dan called or texted him? If he was really getting a divorce, he would have called. 

He looked back at their conversation from 6 days ago. It’d taken place at around midnight, and the next morning Phil had to be at the studio at 8 AM. 

From: Dan   
hey are you still up?

To: Dan   
Yeah but not for long. Have to be at the BBC at 8 tomorrow): 

From: Dan  
okay I won’t bother you too much (: 

Oh no. Dan hadn’t texted him because he thought Phil was too busy to talk to him. He must’ve been wanting to talk to his best friend, but instead he stayed silent.  
The brunet stirred atop Phil’s chest. He groaned softly and lifted his head. His eyes met Phil’s and widened slightly.  
“Dan, Kate just called you and I picked up. Why didn’t you tell me?”

He hesitated for a few seconds, his mouth opening and closing but no sound coming out. He seemed the regain a bit of composure and swallowed before he started speaking: “It was too embarrassing. She left me because I hung out with you too much, because ‘I didn’t give her the pleasure I used to give her’. Basically she cheated on me. Before she left for her business trip she told me everything. How she’d been cheating on me for several months with a co-worker and that she was made fun off at the office for marrying someone who did such a ‘low’ job.”

He breathed in deeply. Phil saw the tears welling up in the brown eyes and pulled the other man closer. After a few beats of silence he continued. 

“Now, she filed a divorce. And she wants primary custody over Mike. So she started a court case. Tomorrow I’m supposed to meet with her and her lawyer. They’re going to look over the entire thing.”  
“Well, I’m going to be there to back you up if you don’t mind. That reminds me. Kate told me to tell you that’s she needs your lawyer’s contact information.”   
“I’d really appreciate it if you came along. I need the support. But I need to find a babysitter for Mike. My mom is starting to suspect something and I don’t want him being so far away from me. And I need to sort out the bank accounts and the rent and the house and……”

“Dan, Dan calm down. All that stuff is going to be sorted during the case. As for babysitting Mike, I’ll look after him. I have to go to the studio Thursday evening for work but I’m sure he’ll love it there and Louise might want to try to take him home. She is basically my mom at the studio and loves children. It’ll be okay. Now, send Kate a text with the info she needs and then go take a shower. We’re going to your parent to pick Mike up. As for you, as much as I get how upset you are over everything, but you need to get back to work tomorrow. It’ll be easier and it’s a way to get back into the swing of things. If you need anything, just call me, I’ll always make time for you.” 

Dan raised his head and looked at his best friend. Slowly he picked up the phone Phil was holding up. He unlocked it and typed a message, not bothering with any formalities. After he dropped the phone on the couch cushion and sat up. Phil sat up too and both stood up. 

“You go have a shower and take a shirt from my closet. I’ll get you some breakfast.”   
\---

Two hours later they were driving to their childhood city of Reading. The drive consisted of belting out the lyrics to various Muse songs, Phil making puns for half an hour when they were stuck in traffic and Dan ranting about a memes he saw on Tumblr. 

When they turned onto Dan’s childhood street it fell quiet in the car. After a few seconds while Phil was parking, Dan spoke up: “I’m sorry for not telling you, I truly am. I just felt weak and it’s kind of really embarrassing. Thank you for not judging me.” 

“Dan, the only thing I’m going to judge you for is the fact that you’re still wearing black even though I have shirts in every colour of the rainbow. Did you actually search my entire closet just to find a black shirt?”

That got Dan to start laughing, and utter out a ‘yes’ between breaths.

“Okay, let’s go in and collect my favourite person in the world. Oh don’t look so dejected, you knew that from the moment Mike was born he’d become my favourite.”   
They walked up the drive way and rang the doorbell. After a few moments they heard someone approach the door. It opened to reveal Mike, looking up curiously at the unexpected visitors.  
“Dad! What are you doing here? I thought I was going to stay with gran longer.” The 4 year old barrelled into Dan’s legs, hugging them tightly. Dan crouched down and kissed his hair, the mop of ringlets tickling ever so slightly.

“Hey, little bear. Yeah, Phil convinced me to let you stay with him, so we’re not so far apart.” 

Just as Mike turned to hug Phil, Dan’s mom appeared in the doorway. “Michael, who was at the… oh hey dear, Phil. I thought you said you’d pick him up after the results are clear. Come in.”  
She lead them back inside. Turning to Mike, she told him to go pack his things. Then she turned to Dan and gave him a look that said ‘you better explain this young man’. In the kitchen she started the kettle for tea while the two men sat down.

Phil looked around the house he’d spend half his teen years in. This place had long since started to feel like a second home to him, and now even though he hadn’t been there since the ‘Phil I can’t do law anymore I want to drop out and do something I actually like’ incident (for short PICDLAIWTDOADSIAL incident). They’d travelled back to Brighton together because Dan had claimed he couldn’t break the news to his parents without Phil’s moral support. 

Nothing had changed since. The pictures still adorned the walls, the round kitchen table still had a dent in the corner from the time Phil’d slipped over when the two of them had been making pancakes, and fallen headfirst into the table. He’d been lucky, and only had a minor concussion, but the dent was still there.

Colin, the Howells’ family dog, came bustling into the kitchen, enthusiastically jumping up against first Dan’s chair and then Phil’s chair, before lying down on top of both their feet.  
“So Dan, care to explain why six days ago you came here at 10 PM at night, with your son asleep, looking worse than death, dropping said son off without explanation, and mumbling something about picking him up when the results are in and then leaving? And now you’re here again, still looking really tired but less, with your best friend, who I haven’t properly talked to in nearly a year and forgot to greet just now. I’m sorry, hi Phil, nice to see you.” She smiled at the ebony haired man.

“Hello, Mrs. Howell. Oh don’t you worry about not being informed. Mister ‘I’m really embarrassed right now' didn’t text me or call me because I told him I was busy with work and he thought that this wasn’t important enough to contact me for. So that made two of us that didn’t know, until this morning. And Dan, seriously, you didn’t even tell your mom. You know what happens when you brood on your feelings too long, we’ll have another PICDLAIWTDOADSIA and that didn’t not go down well the first time.”

Dan looked down at the hands sheepishly, but a small smile played at his lips, just because of the weird name Phil had given the ‘incident’ although the incident was never funny.  
“Okay, so mom, I owe you and Phil an apology and you an explanation. Phil, I’m so sorry for not telling you. I already told you why. And mom, I’m so sorry for just leaving Mike with you without explanation. I guess I’ll explain everything now.”   
\----

Mrs. Howell was to say, enraged. Luckily, not at either of the men sat at the table or Mike, but rather at Mike’s mother, which Phil could relate to. However, Mrs. Howell, took it further, and called Mr. Howell and Adam to call upon an ‘emergency Howell family meeting’. Phil made to retreat to Dan’s old bedroom, but both Dan and his mom insisted he stayed because he was just as much a part of the family as the rest of them.

So approximately 10 minutes later, all Howells plus Phil were sitting around the dining table, spare Mike, and Kate, since she officially still bore the Howell name. But after Mrs. Howell explained the situation, Adam exclaimed loudly: “Phil you’re Kate’s replacement. I officially promote you to part of the Howell family and are to attend every meeting and holiday spend together. I always liked you, and mom and dad did too. It’s obvious Dan likes you, because you’re attached at the hip. So, I think everyone agrees that Philip Michael Lester, are to be the replacing member in the council of Howell family for Kate whatsherename. She was a bitch anyway.” 

Mrs. Howell yelled ‘Adam’, Phil smiled fondly and ruffled his hair with a soft ‘thanks bud’. Adam squealed and tried to flatten down the messy curls. It reminded Phil so much of Dan, hating his curls and hating it when Phil’d mess them up. 

“Well, as you are now all aware of the situation, I think it’s time for Phil, Mike and I to get going. There’s still a bit of a drive ahead and I need to finalise some details for the case tomorrow. I’ll keep you all updated.”

After hugs were exchanged, Colin had been given his last pats on the head and a friendly hair-ruffle for Adam, Phil crouched down next to Mike, who was standing at the door, waiting to go home. The ebony haired man picked him up, and looked him in the eyes. 

“Hey little Bear. Are you excited to spend a few days at my house? We’re going to have loads of fun. You can even come with me to the radio station, and see how everything works.”

Mike smiled brightly, the dimple he’d inherited from Dan popping, and nodded his head furiously. The reason Phil had nicknamed the child Little Bear was always apparent in situations like these. He had the same dark brown ringlets as Dan, and the same coffee brown eyes, dimples and rosy cheeks. However his nose was sharper, and his lips a little thinner, trades he’d inherited from his mother. When they were teenagers, and later on occasion, Phil used to call Dan Bear, because that’s how his hugs felt. In return Dan called Phil Lion, referring to the fact that the latter had always been the braver of the two.

Now Phil had adapted the name for Michael, much to Kate’s dislike. Mike’s first word had always sounded suspiciously like ‘bear’ and Kate had hated it.

Now the nicknames were a form of comfort shared between them as a reassurance. A simple way to communicate support.  
\---

“Mr. Everson-Howell, Mrs. Everson-Howell, I’m glad you could join me here today. I don’t see reason to have to take this to court. So if you come to an agreement today, you’ll both sign the ‘Statement of Arrangements for Children’. If we do not come to an agreement today, this will be taken to court. Mrs. Everson-Howell, would you like to begin?”

Oh, Kate wanted to begin. The longer Phil listened, the angrier he felt at the woman. She made it sound like her ‘adultery’ was entirely Dan’s fault. But Phil really wanted to punch her, and he usually wasn’t a very confrontational person, when she proposed her idea as to the splitting of custody and possessions. 

“I propose that Michael comes into my sole custody. He’ll be able to visit his father, and contact him all he wants, but he’s is lawfully mine. I also propose for the house to go to me. I paid the majority of the expenses when we bought the house and still do. He’ll will get our shared car and all his rightful possessions.” 

Dan was sat opposite her, staring with open mouth the more she talked. He wanted to speak up, but his lawyer did before he could start.

“I disagree with these proposals. Mr. Howell has paid all the expenses accordingly, and therefore has equal rights concerning the estate. Mrs Everson, with your incomes you could easily afford to buy a new house. Why are you so set on keeping this house? Can you please explain this to me?” 

“Well, after the divorce I want to progress things with my new lover. He agreed with me that, for Michael to have a proper childhood, we’d have to keeping living here. He has his friends here, and for such a young child it is not good to go through change so soon.”

The room fell silent for a moment. Phil is no longer angry, just astonished at the tunnel vision of the woman. She was supposed to be a lawyer, which meant being able to see something from more than one side. Didn’t she realise that she was going to change Mike’s life more if someone suddenly replaced his dad than if he moved? 

Luckily, Phil’s thoughts were shared, by Dan. “You do realise, hopefully, that you’re implying that you want the least change possible for Michael, yet you seem to be set on the idea of replacing me, his father, for another man, which will shake his world so much worse. A new father-figure would only confuse the boy further. Right now, he’s so confused already, asking where his mother is, when we’re going home. And I can’t bloody well tell him that his mother has left us and we might not have a home anymore, can I now?!” 

Kate was speechless. She repeatedly opened and closed her mouth, but didn’t say anything. Her lawyer cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention.

“I think we won’t come to an agreement today. I’d hoped we could keep this out of court, but this case will have to be taken to a judge.” He nodded his head to Dan’s lawyer, who agreed. Dan also gave a short sharp nod. However Kate seemed on the brink of saying something more, but, after her lawyer gave her a pointed look, nodded her head too.  
\---

The entire case didn’t take long to complete. The judge was quick to come to a decision, and while the process was still going on, Dan and Mike stayed with Phil. His apartment had never felt so lively.   
Mike’s toys were scattered across the coffee table and floor of the lounge, Dan’s cursing and snort laughter could be heard all throughout the apartment.  
Phil had to repeatedly scold Dan for swearing around Mike. The boy had already picked up on some of the words Dan used. It was miracle to Phil how a man who swore when his hair was out of place, could teach 6 year olds, and not use one profanity during the day. 

Dan felt guilty for taking advantage of Phil in this situation. He felt like he’d intruded on his best friend’s life, despite living with him for several years. He felt like a burden. As a result, he’d told Phil, repeatedly, that, if at any point Phil didn’t want them in his house anymore, he could say the word and they’d go.  
In return, Phil had told Dan repeatedly that Mike and he would never be a burden.

On a Wednesday morning, just before Dan was leaving for work, his phone rung. When his lawyer’s number flashed on the screen, he answered as fast as he could.

“Hey, Dan. Umm, Kate’s lawyer just called me and apparently when Kate filled out the forms she only put her lawyer and herself down as contact person. Her lawyer wanted to check something on the forms and found out. Basically, the verdict is today. As in, in twenty minutes.” 

Dan swallowed harshly. If he didn’t leave now, he’d be late for work. He’d couldn’t be late again, not after the amount of days he took off when this all happened in the first place. He’d be fired on the spot.  
“Okay Andrew, thanks for calling me. I can’t come to the verdict. I’m going to need you to represent me. I have to be at work. As soon as you know the result, call me. I’ll find a way to answer the phone during class. Do inform the judge of happened. I, Daniel James Howell give you official permission to sign the ‘Statement of Arrangements for Children’ for the case of Michael Howell. That should do it. I have to run now, talk to you later.” 

He heard Andrew’s muffled bye and okay, then he hung up the phone. He rushed back to the kitchen where Mike and Phil were having breakfast. He was down to his last hope.   
“Phil, I need your help, quick!” in an instant Phil was next to him, concerned look on his face, and looked at him. 

“So, the verdict is today, but Kate ‘forgot’ to put me down as contact person. I wasn’t informed. I can’t go, because of my job, so my lawyer is going. He’ll call me as soon as he knows everything, but I need to be able to take the call during class. So I was thinking you could come by my class and tell the kids a bit about your job while I sit in anticipation. Could you please?” 

“Dan, of course. I’d love to talk to those little kids for a while. I’ll come to your classroom as soon as I’ve dropped off Mike. Now go, you’re going to be late!”

It wasn’t until Dan was halfway to work that he realised how domestic that moment in the kitchen had been. Weirdest of all was, that it felt more normal than any of the things that can be filed as domestic felt when he was with Kate. 

Dan shivered, but brushed off the feeling that was blooming in his chest. It was just that he missed having someone like Kate.  
\---

As promised, Phil arrived at Dan’s classroom. He said Mike had introduced him to the teacher as ‘the coolest Uncle Phil who actually isn’t my uncle’ and the teacher had looked so confused, that Phil had not been able to contain his laughs.

It made Dan smile through all the anxious thoughts. His phone felt heavy in his pocket, and he tried not to think about the phone call he’s going to get.

Just before recess, Dan’s phone rung. Phil, who’d been talking about his jobs and various other things, looked at his best friend and nodded. ‘Go’ he mouthed.

Dan nervously left the room, at the same time answering the phone.

“What’s the result Andrew?”

“Calm down Dan. So Kate, she got the house. The judge didn’t agree with her reasoning for getting custody over Mike on top of the house. You have primary custody of Mike, and Kate decided to pay the child support. You have to arrange with her how it’s going to work. Your shared money has been split equally. Since you both have your own car, you keep those. The rest is stated in the divorce papers. I thought this was the most important thing to tell you. The judge wasn’t pleased with your absence but I explained so it was fine.”

“Thank you, thank you, and thank you. I have to go now. Phil’s watching over my class and I don’t know which side has it worse. Thank you, again. Bye”

“Bye.”

Dan re-entered the classroom, just as the bell for recess rung. As collected as he could he sent the kids to the playground. Luckily he wasn’t on playground duty today. All the while Phil stood by Dan’s desk, looking over the teacher, trying to read his body language to decipher the outcome of the phone call.

As soon as the kids had left the classroom, Dan took three big strides towards his best friend and put his arms around him. Phil hugged him back instantly and Dan relaxed.

“Mike is mine. My Little Bear is staying with me.” His tears soaked Phil’s shirt, and he didn’t know why he was crying, but he was, and he felt so relieved.

“I’ll try to find something to live as soon as possible. I don’t want to bother you any longer and…”

“Dan, shut up,” Phil interrupted “you can stay as long as you need. Get everything sorted.”

Dan wanted to protest further, but decided against it. He just made a promise to himself to find a house as quick as possible  
\---

“Hello this is Phil, live on BBC Radio One. Today I have a very special guest with me. Say hello Mike!”

“Hello.”

“So Mike is my godchild, and my best friend’s son. Dan, the dad, is currently on a trip with his school, and is most likely listing to this show right now. I’m babysitting Mike, and he wanted to say something to his dad on national radio so here you go Mike, say something.” 

“Hey dad, I don’t know if you’re listening. I just wanted to say you are the best dad in the world. I love you.” 

Mike stepped away from the microphone shyly. Phil could feel his heart swell in his chest. This was the single most precious boy in the world, and he’d seen videos of small Dan singing Spice Girls, so he had some competition  
.  
“Okay we have our first caller. Hello what’s your name and what song do you want me to play?”

“Hello, I’m Dan” Phil chuckled softly under his breath

“Hello Dan, what song do you want to request?”

“I’d like to request ‘interrupted by fireworks’ from Final Fantasy VIII. This song holds a place in my heart. I might not be in the best spot right now, but my best friend is the greatest person alive, except for my son, and this has been the song that reminds me of him since the day we met.”

“So dedicated to the best friend of Dan, can I have a name please?”

“For Phil, the man hosting this radio show and my son, who will be listening as well. I love you both very much.” 

“Here is ‘Interrupted by fireworks’ from Final Fantasy VIII, requested by Dan and dedicated to Phil and Mike here at BBC Radio One.”   
Phil pushed a few buttons and the song started playing. The camera aimed at his faced panned away. Phil felt relieved. He needed a second. The song meant so much to the two of them, for the strangest reason ever.

The very first time they’d met, was when Dan was listening to music during their first English class. The first assignment they had been given was to get to know the person next to you. Dan hadn’t heard a single word of the teacher, and Phil had been awkwardly trying to get his attention. After a minute of useless attempts, he’d yanked the earbud out of the brunet’s ear. They had had a glaring contest for .3 seconds, then Dan had spoken up: “What?!”

Phil had sat there, surprised at his own actions before he’d found the ability to speak again. “Um… we’re supposed to get to know our partner.” 

Dan had looked confused for a second, then he’d smiled and offered Phil an earbud. “Just listening to my music collection will give you a good idea.”

As soon as Phil had placed the bud in his ear, Dan had switched to a different song. Phil’d recognised it instantly. “This is ‘Interrupted by fireworks’ from Final Fantasy VIII, right. I love the game. I’m Phil, by the way.” 

“I love that game too. It has a beautiful soundtrack too. I’m Dan, nice to meet you.” 

From that day, their friendship had blossomed.  
\----

“You little shit”, was the first thing Phil said when Dan walked through the door a day later. “You almost made me cry on national radio.” Dan smiled and walked to the table, where Phil had gathered his mail over the last few days. 

“And you just swore in the presence of a child. So I think we’re even again. Wait that doesn’t make sense.”

He started shifting through his mail, his smile slipping from his face as he got closer to the end of the pile. When he reached the end, his slime had been replaced by a frown. He went through the pile again, whilst also sorting it into a few piles. He looked up from the letters, and turned to Phil.

“Is this all my mail.” “Yes, the mailbox was empty this morning.” Dan looked back at the letters and mumbled something about ‘being bac later’. He left the room, leaving Phil standing there in confusion.  
Dan returned a few minutes later, looking more confused but also slightly panicked. He was mumbling inaudibly under his breath, and his fingers were fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.   
“Dan, what’s wrong. You’re being fidgety again.”

The younger took a deep breath and dropped his hands to his side. “This month’s Child Support letter hasn’t come in. that means Kate hasn’t paid it yet. I found a small flat not too far from here for me and Mike, and I spoke with the landlord. We agreed that if I wanted the apartment, I’d have to make a deposit for the apartment before the end of this month. The deadline is tomorrow, and I was counting on the Child Support to be there before I’d have to make the deposit because otherwise it would be too expensive. The bank won’t give me a loan because my income isn’t reliable enough to ever pay the debt off. Now I can’t pay the deposit.” He took another deep breath and shifted his eyes to his friend, expecting his blue eyes to be filled with sympathy, but instead they were glued to his phone, seemingly not listening to Dan.

“Dan give me a second and I’ll go make a call. Sit down, get some tea and rest. I’ll solve this for you.” 

Phil was an idiot. Whilst his best friend had been trying to find a flat, there had been an option all along, way closer than either had imagined. But first he had to make a call to the Child Support office.

“Hello this is British Child Support. How may I help you?” 

“Hello, I’m Phil Lester and I wanted to ask something about Dan Howell’s payments. He was supposed to receive his monthly Child Support deposit from his ex-wife, Kate Everson. However, the deposit nor the letter have come through to Mister Howell. I just wanted to ask if you could tell more about that.”

“Well, I have to check if you have authority to be given this information. You said your name is Phil Lester. What is your relation to Mister Howell?” 

“Umm… Partner.” It wouldn’t hurt. They’d pulled that kind of stunt before. To get the couples discount, to get out of embarrassing or awkward situation. This should be no different. Only now Phil did it without telling Dan, and he lied to a governmental institution. 

“It seems like I can give you some information. I can only give Mister Howell or Miss Everson full access. It seems that Miss Everson’s automatic transaction was stop because the account it came from was shut down. I can call her to ask her to make the deposit still. I’ll give you a call back on the number provided on Mister Howell’s contact information.” 

“Thank you. That would be great. Bye.” 

Now one problem was solved, kind of. Next Phil turned to his next door neighbour’s door. It was an old rich lady who enjoyed living in a small apartment over living in some big house alone. However, her health was going down, so she was moving in with her son, to have it a bit easier. Phil spoke to her regularly, and a few weeks ago she’d mentioned that she didn’t want to sell the apartment to a stranger.

He knocked on the door, and a few moments later Miss Pillsbury opened the door. “Philip, what a nice surprise. Would you like to come in for some tea?” 

“Sorry Miss Pillsbury, I’d love to, but I have a quick question to ask. Is the apartment still up for sale?”

“Yes, boy. Why, if I may ask? You have an identical apartment, don’t you?” 

“Well, you know how you met Dan a few weeks back?” they had gone to the park with Mike and on the way back in they’d come across Miss Pillsbury. She immediately loved both Howells and called Mike ‘the sweetest child she’d ever seen’. Now this came in handy. “He recently divorced his wife, and she got to keep their house and he Michael. He’s been trying to find a new place but he doesn’t have the funds for it. He’s been staying with me. I wanted to ask if you’d consider selling the apartment for a lower price than intended, to Dan. He wants to stay close, but he feels like he’s taking advantage of my generosity, which he’s not. Could you please consider it? I’d totally get it if you said no. I thought it’d be worth a try.”

Miss Pillsbury smiled up at the tall man. “Philip, of course Daniel can buy the apartment from me. Just come over tomorrow, or whenever it sooths you two so we can discuss things. You are so kind to be taking such good care of your friend. I’ll see you soon then, honey. Take care.” She waved him away softly.

“Thank you so much. We’ll definitely be coming over for tea tomorrow. Thank you again.” 

Phil returned to his ow apartment and found Dan sitting on the sofa, sipping some tea and watching anime. The older clear his throat.

“Dan, I did a thing.” Dan looked up with the ‘what did you do’ already on his lips. “Don’t get mad, but I may have called Child Support and said we’re a couple to get info about the deposit. She said that the bank account the automatic deposit comes from had been shut down and she’d give you a call when she found out.” 

“Phil! You didn’t have to…” but Phil interrupted Dan. “Shush, yes I did. You were freaking out. Now, you said you were looking for a place in the neighbourhood, but it’s too expensive. And you can never be invading in my home, because we used to live together before. But because I get that you want to be independent and I want you to not break your neck in the process, I helped a little. See, the old lady next door, Miss Pillsbury, is moving in with her son. And I may have convinced her to sell the apartment to you. And before you say you can’t afford it, listen to me. She agreed with me to sell the apartment for a lower price. She adores you and Mike. She wants to talk the price over tea tomorrow. Please, please consider it.” 

Dan’s mouth dropped open. He stood up, walked over to Phil and stood still in front of him. Then he slapped himself, making Phil gasp loudly. “Are you real. Am I actually standing in front of you or is this just some amazing dream I’m going to wake up from in a minute, next to Kate, who is bothering me about being in time and doing something. God I love you and your impulsive mind and quirks, Phil Lester.” 

He threw his arms around Phil and pulled him close, nuzzling his head into the crook of the other’s neck.   
“I love you too, Dan, always will.” The words sounded more genuine than they’d ever sounded from Kate. They made Dan’s heart skip a beat, and old feelings he’d suppressed came up again.   
When they were 16 Dan started to develop feelings for his best friend. At the time he’d never acted on them because he had been afraid of losing Phil. Now these butterflies returned, with even more force than back then, and Dan felt the need to giggle and hide his face.

“I really do, Phil.” He lifted his head off Phil’s shoulder and looked him in the eye, trying to wordlessly say more.  
Phil stared back. He leaned forward a bit and rested his forehead against Dan’s, and slowly exhaled. God, he would be okay if they stayed in this position forever.  
Dan felt Phil’s breath stream over his lips. His lips looked so delicious, and he wanted to kiss him. Just as he was about to close the space between their lips, a small voice came from the entrance of the living room. 

“Daddy, you’re back!” Mike came running forward, and Dan reluctantly broke his embrace with Phil to scoop up Mike. The boy was a little heavy to be picked up, but Dan tried anyway.  
“Hey Little Bear. Yes, I’m back. I heard you on the radio. Did you enjoy your week with Phil? He didn’t spoil you too much, did he?”   
“No, we only had ice cream three times before dinner.” Mike was smiling innocently at his dad and Phil.  
“Phil!” “You know I can’t resist his pout. He even puts it to better use than you. And you made me do your essay once because you were ill and pouted to get me to do that. He knows that it’s my kryptonite just as well as you do.”

Phil looked at Dan accusingly, who just looked back innocently. He then turned back to his son. “Aren’t you hungry? It’s almost lunchtime. We’re going out for sandwiches because I have amazing news.”   
Mike cheered excitingly, but stopped suddenly and pouted up at his dad. “Can Uncle Phil come too? He’s part of the family too.”   
Dan’s heart melted a little, and he looked at Mike before looking at Phil. “you heard him. Your kryptonite is being used against both of us. Are you stronger? Are you?” he proceeded to pout with round innocent doe eyes.

“Come, gather your stuff, I’m paying.” Phil said in defeat. These Howell boys were going to be the death of him.  
\----

“Daniel, Philip, Michael. How lovely to see you all. Do come in.” Miss Pillsbury enthusiastically opened the door. She ruffled Mike’s hair. Mike hid behind his dad’s legs, shyly looking at the woman. When Dan pressed him forward softly he shuffled forward, only to hide behind Phil’s legs. 

“Come on Little Bear, no need to be shy. Don’t you want to see your future house?” 

The boy stepped forward and looked inside curiously, he turned back to the adults, smiled and ran inside. Dan, Phil and Miss Pillsbury followed him. They sat down in the lounge and Miss Pillsbury served tea and delicious cake.

“So, Daniel, I understand that you want to buy an apartment. This apartment in particular. I own the apartment, so I can do with it what I want. So I want to sell it to you. What is your budget?”   
So they started to discuss a price that Dan could afford. Miss Pillsbury said that the furniture came with the apartment, because it would go to waste otherwise. Dan agreed instantly, knowing that if he’d have to buy new furniture he would be well over his budget.

They also came to an agreement for the date Dan would officially move into the apartment. The Saturday of the following week. Phil immediately promised to help.   
When they returned home Dan turned to Phil and said: “Thank you so much. But I have one question for you.”   
Phil looked at him curiously. “Yeah sure. Shoot.” 

“Do you own your apartment or do you rent it? It’s just, I had this idea and if you’re renting it can’t happen and I just want to know.”  
“I own it. I wanted to get a dog so bad so about four months ago I bought the apartment. Then I started looking for the perfect dog but got distracted by you and Mike. Why?”  
Dan looked guilty for a second, then explained his plan. “I was thinking about your lounge, and how it connects to the lounge next door. And I know one thing, we’re going to be to each other’s a lot. So I thought maybe we could connect our lounges with a door, or something like that. And you should totally get a dog. Preferably a Shiba Inu or a Corgi. Though I might steal it when you’re not paying attention.”

Phil smiled and reached for Dan’s hand that rested next to their knees on the sofa. “Dan, I’d love to break that wall and connect our lounges. And you can steal the dog, only I’ll have to steal it back. Or we can just share. Anyway, it’s not like we don’t share everything yet. Well, almost everything.” 

Dan smiled and leaned into Phil, using his shoulder as a pillow. “Do you remember how in high school people shipped us? I was always confused as to why they’d do that. It wasn’t until last year that I realised why they did. We’d always practically sit or lie on each other, and barely leave the other’s side. I once overheard a conversation between two girls, in one of the classes we didn’t share. They were talking about how one of them liked you, and mentioned me then. They said, and I remember the exact words, ‘I’m not even going to bother to ask Phil on a date. I mean everyone knows Dan and Phil are together, although some many people think they’re hot.’ I snorted at the idea of us being together romantically, and never really thought about it. But I think I didn’t snort at the idea, more at the idea that people were actually pining after me, not just you. I don’t know how I managed to convince myself for all those years that all my feelings for you were completely platonic. Because they were so far from platonic. I pushed the feelings down, learned to live with them. But they never vanished. I think Kate knew, even though I didn’t. And then Kate left, and I didn’t feel as terrible as I should have felt. And I didn’t even realise until last week when I was listening to you and Mike on the radio that I felt so much more content than I’d ever felt with Kate. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say anymore, but thank you Phil, for being there, always.”

Phil gazed down at him fondly. “Dan, you idiot. I knew about those girls. I was asked out several times, and I always turned them down. I felt perfectly content just sitting beside you in a movie theatre whilst you voiced your opinion to me, instead of some girl who would giggle if I would just look at them, and didn’t care about the movie at all. And yes, I too was completely oblivious to my feelings until you told me you were going to propose to Kate. But I ignored it, as I helped you get ready for your own wedding. When you burst into my apartment shouting you were going to be a dad. When you called me at 4 am because Kate was going into labour and you were panicking. When you told me you wanted me to be the godfather, and also told me that when you suggested Michael you were thinking of me. I coped with my feelings, and was there for you as much as you were there for me. Then, you came to my apartment, fell asleep on top of me, and I answered your phone, only to find out that you were getting a divorce, and hadn’t told me because you thought I’d be too busy to help you. And I couldn’t even think to feel happy, because you needed me, and I had to be there. Then you moved back in with me and I couldn’t feel more elated. I got the chance to bond with Mike in a way I hadn’t before. And, god, do I love that little guy. He makes me think of you so much. And felt right. Eating dinner whilst you complain about an annoying parent, and Mike is trying to sneak his vegetables onto your plate. So I should be thanking you, you’re this amazing human that’s hiding behind sarcasm. Thank you, Dan Howell, for being the most amazing human in the world.” 

They were facing each other. The remaining space seemed to have disappeared, and Phil’s breath was fawning over Dan’s face. He leaned closer to Dan and stopped just centimetres away from his lips, giving him time to pull away. Dan impatiently leaned forward and pressed his lips to Phil’s. 

The kiss felt familiar and unknown at the same time. Familiar, because they’d been best friends for so long. Unknown, because it was something new, something thrilling, yet at the same timing calming. There were no fireworks, but it felt right, like everything was finally falling into place.

When they broke apart their lips the first time, panting, Phil asked: “Will you be my boyfriend?” and Dan reconnected their lips in answer. This kiss was fiercer, and years of pent up longing was catching up with them. 

The second time they broke apart Dan murmured: “go out with me.” And Phil nodded. Before their lips could meet a third time, Phil’s phone went off. He reluctantly pulled it out and answered.  
“Hello, this is Phil.”  
“Phil. I’m outside your apartment. Open the door or I’ll burst through the door.”

“Louise, you have the worst timing in the world. But I’ll buzz you in. See you in a second.” 

He hung up and pecked Dan’s lips one more time. “As much as I’d like to continue this, there is a four year old in the next room, and a very stubborn blonde waiting to be led in. So we’ll continue later tonight.” 

He left the couch and went to the front door. He buzzed Louise in and waited for her to arrive at his front door.

“Philip, this is not the way to greet a lady. You are supposed to look polished, not like you just had sex. Did your mom never teach you that?” Louise greeted him.

Only then Phil realised he’d done nothing to smooth down his hair, which had been messed up by Dan’s eager hands. He must’ve looked pretty flustered too, so yes he didn’t look very presentable.  
“Hey Louise. Yeah, sorry about that. Come in, I think Dan was about to start a kettle for tea. How are you and Darcy?” 

She followed him to the lounge, and in the passing greeted Dan, who was indeed preparing tea. Phil silently thanked Dan for his ability to read minds or something akin to that.

“Darcy is great, she keeps talking about her kindergarten teacher, and apparently he’s really cool and tall. She said, and I quote, ‘he looks like Phil but with opposite hair’. Got me cracking up. But what about you. Who got your hair so messed up? Do you have to introduce me someone?” 

Dan returned at that point, blushing slightly, and put down the tea. “Mike, can you come to the lounge, I have cookies for you.” 

The three adults chuckled. Then Phil turned back to Louise and continued the conversation. “No, I don’t need to introduce anyone to you.” Technically, it was true. She already knew Dan.  
He shared a quick look with Dan, who grinned back, biting his lip, and God, Phil wanted to do unspeakable things to this man.

“Louise, I thought I recognised you. Your daughter looks exactly like you. I’m her teacher. You know, ‘the one with hair like Phil but opposite’. She is a creative little kid. Already makes better drawings than me. She also complemented my Pokémon shirt the other day, said it was her favourite when she played it with Phil. I think she and Mike would get along like a house on fire.” 

“Phil! I told you not to let Darcy play Pokémon. She is already obsessed and insisted I buy her a Pokémon plushie, and I don’t know any Pokémon other than Pikachu. You owe her one now.”

Phil smiled and looked down guiltily. So maybe he spoiled Darcy a bit every time he had to babysit her. Apparently that wasn’t the only child he spoiled, as Dan spoke up just after.

“Yeah, I agree. Every time Phil looks after Mike, he ends up having ice cream either before or as dinner. And he blames the freaking dimples. Like Mike can change the fact that he is so incredibly cute.”  
Mike was stuffing cookies into his mouth, but smiled innocently up at his dad. Dan ruffled his hair.

“Well, I have to agree with Phil there. The dimples are very powerful.” Dan looked betrayed.

“Dan, Mike isn’t the only one who puts his beautiful genetics to good use. You know your cute face has made me do more things than Mike has gotten ice cream for dinner. But Louise, your timing isn’t actually as bad as I thought it would be. Dan and I need a night off, and as selfish as it may sound, I wanted to ask you if you could take Mike for the evening. We have some things to... discuss. So could you please help me? I am using the favour from when you were panicking about your holiday and I looked after Darcy for three hours while you ran around London.”

“Yes of course. I can’t help but think it has something to do with the state of your hair Philly. So I’ll gather my stuff and let you to at it. Mike will need an overnight bag, so Dan, could you help me get his stuff sorted?”

“Yes, sure. Follow me.”

Phil smiled as the two left the room. Louise was always very good at reading into him, and it showed.  
\---

It was a few days later that Dan got a phone call. He was on his way home from Tesco’s when his phone rang. He looked at the caller ID, and a rush of confusion went through him at the sight of the Child Support company. He answered.

“Hello, Dan Howell here.”

“Hello Mister Howell. Your partner called a few days ago on the matter of your Child Support deposit. I told him I’d call you once I had more information. Well, I contacted Miss Everson, and asked her about the deposit.” 

“Okay. What did she say? Is the deposit coming in soon?”

“I’m sorry Mister Howell. She said she would inform you herself, but it’s good I checked. She gave up her parental rights over Michael Richard Everson-Howell. She claims she no longer wants contact with either of you. Miss Everson said she is moving to America, and no longer wants her parental rights. I’m sorry. I was originally calling to ask you if you want to be written out of the system. This means we no longer have access to your bank information and address, etcetera.”

“Yeah sure. Write me out of the system. Um… thank you for informing me. Bye.”

“Bye Mister Howell. Good luck.”

Dan stared at his phone, dumbfounded. Although he didn’t love her, but it still stung. How was he going to tell Mike that his mother never wanted to see him again, or be associated with him? That could break a young child.

Dan began to run. He knew he looked ridiculous, but he didn’t care. He needed to get away. He didn’t stop running until he reached the front door of Phil’s apartment. He couldn’t find it in himself to find his keys. He knocked on the door frantically, and sunk down against the wall, panting harshly.

Phil walked to the door, confused. Most of his neighbours were at work, and he couldn’t think of anyone who would come by on a Thursday afternoon. He walked to the door and opened it. For a second he saw no-one. Then he heard heavy panting, from the left of his door.

“Dan! Dan, what’s wrong? Okay, Dan breathe. In and out. Follow me. You’re okay. You’re here. I’m here, Bear. Easy. Deep breaths. Good, just like that.”

They sat outside like that for several minutes. Slowly, Dan’s breathing slowed. He calmed down, and slowly leaned into Phil, just breathing in his scent.

“She gave up her parental rights. She doesn’t want anything to do Mike, or me. How will I ever tell him? It will break him.”

“Shh, Dan. I’ll help you. I’m here for you. Remember? I will be there for you, always. And Mike’s a strong kid. Once he’s a little older, you can explain the entire thing. For now, settle into your new life. Get everything together. I’ll be there all along the way.”

“God, Phil. I love you, so, so much.”

“Dan, I love you too, always have and always will.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

\---

\--Five years later—  
Kate Everson was looking through her mail. Between the usual bills, she saw an ivory envelope, made out of thick paper, with golden letters curling on the front.

You are officially invited to the wedding of  
Daniel James Howell and Philip Michael Lester  
Please confirm your presence before the date.  
Keep open: 19th of October 2022  
At the Syon park, London.  
All the love form Dan and Phil

Kate smiled. She was happy, that after all those years, Dan was happy.  
After all, Dan and Phil deserved it more than anything.


	4. One secret less to keep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil tell their son about his birthmother (aka the requested sequel to Secrets are the best when they no longer exist aka Elise learns to spell secret)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was requested by @/stayinyourlehane on tumblr, who messaged me asking for this sequel to Secrets are the best when they no longer exist (aka Elise learns how to spell secret)
> 
> WC: 2409
> 
> Warnings: Swearing, homophobia

“Dad!? Papa!? Is there anyone home? No, okay, I’ll finish the chocolate cake Louise gave me by myself.” Michael Howell-Lester entered the house he’d called home since he was 8 years old.

“Don’t you dare! I was planning on doing that before Dan gets home.” Phil, or papa to Mike, appeared in the doorway leading to the lounge. He was smiling, but something about the smile was off.

“Papa, are you okay? You look a bit off? Are you ill?” Mike knew he sounded like his dad, but couldn’t help it. His dad raised him this way. He approached Phil, who looked down at the 15 year old, and soon to be 16. The boy was tall for his age, but was still no match for his dads, only reaching 6’0.

“Oh, Little Bear you sound like your dad. I’m find, just read a sad article online about bees. Oh Dan texted me saying that he’d be home soon. Apparently he ‘gave up on doing any more work for those little monsters during spring break’. So I told him that it was his choice to start teaching Year twelve. How was your day? I thought Kennedy was coming today?”

That struck a nerve. Mike flinched and the grin on his face faded. “We had a bit of a… falling out today. There’s this new kid in class, and he sat with us in lunch. He seemed cool, but then Peter and Colin, that couple I told you about that I’m friends with, walked by in the direction of the lunch line. David, the new kid, pretended to gag and stage-whispered to me and Kennedy: “can they not do it in public. It’s disgusting and shouldn’t be allowed. Can you believe gays are actually allowed to have children?” I was about to say something when Kennedy said something that I’d never thought she’d say. “Yeah, it’s so wrong.” At this point I just stood up and left to sit with Peter and Colin. Hey didn’t ask, but the majority of the lunch room had heard what had been said and they kind of just stared. Then after school I approached Kennedy to ask her what it was about, but I found her with Dave who was loudly talking about how ‘homos shouldn’t be allowed to have the same civil rights as the rest.’ And she just stood there smiling. I pulled her aside, and asked what was going on. And she answered “get away from me, you unnatural shit.” That’s why she not here right now.”

“Oh Bear.” Phil took the boy into his arms, hugging him tightly, as if to protect him from the world.

“Can we eat chocolate cake now?” Mike asked in a small voice.

“Yes, of course. Also we have birthday plans to discuss.”

They were about to start eating when a voice behind them rang out. “You weren’t going to start on that cake without me, were you?”

Dan looked at his son and husband, looking up from the cake guilty, Phil with a bit of chocolate icing on his upper lip. Dan couldn’t help but smile, then he was nearly knocked over by a Shiba Inu from behind. Daenerys wanted some attention (and food) and with the entire family in one room she knew those things were guaranteed.

“It’s not what it looks like. We were testing the cake for poison. Totally not eating it while you weren’t here.” Phil smiled, standing up and walking to his husband. “Do you forgive us, Bear?” he pouted for effect and Dan laughed. He kissed Phil’s pout away, and licked up the chocolate icing at the same time.

“Sure, only if I get a piece too. Oh Mike, can you get the green envelope from Papa’s desk. It has to do with your birthday.”

Mike left the room, and Phil faced Dan. “I thought she said she never wanted contact again. What changed?"

Dan sighed, contemplating for a few seconds before answering. “She was an only child, and in her family there’s this tradition that the first born inherits some old heirloom. She didn’t have any cousins either, so Mike is the only child in line for the inheritance. She has to give it to him.”

They stood in silence for a few seconds, until Mike returned with the envelope in his hand. He handed it to Dan, clearly curious as to what this letter contained.

“Mike, we… no I need to tell you something. I didn’t want to tell you until you are 18, because then I’ll have no legal authority over you anymore. I’ll explain it all I promise. But please, sit down.”

Mike, still curious took a seat and pulled his plate of cake towards himself, whilst Daenerys laid her head in his lap.

“I think you remember her, because you were 5 when she left, but your mother and I divorced then. It hadn’t been going well between us for a while, and she thought my job as teacher was too low to be married to a lawyer. She was having an affair with one of her co-workers, and she told me. We had to go to a judge to settle for the arrangement. She wanted to keep the house and you, but the judge decided that she got the house and I would get custody of you. She would pay child support every month. I couldn’t find a house on such short notice and with my salary, so Phil was my saving grace once more, and let us live with him. You probably remember the rest of that. We fell in love, got married and raised you. But before we got together, I was saving money to buy an apartment I had found. I was counting on the next child support deposit before I could pay the first rent. The child support didn’t come, and Phil called the office for me to ask what happened. They promised to call me when they had more information. So when I got the call I wasn’t prepared for what they were going to tell me. They told me that Kate, your mother, had moved to America and had given up her parental rights over you. She didn’t want anything to do with us. It also meant I would no longer receive child support and couldn’t afford to buy a house. Mainly, I had no idea how to tell a five year old that his mum wanted nothing to do with him without destroying him. So I kept it to myself. Phil knew and actually gave me the idea to tell you on your 18th birthday, when I’d no longer have authority over you, and you could choose for yourself if you wanted to do anything with the information.”

Dan paused. Mike sat in silence for a few minutes, until he opened his mouth. “Then why are you telling me now? I really do appreciate it, but what changed? Is she coming to my birthday? I don’t want that!” he seemed panicked now and Phil rushed to comfort him.

“No. I won’t allow her in here. She caused harm enough in this family. She was at our wedding, and she started telling Dan off for the way we were raising you. My brother had to escort her out. I’ve never seen Martyn so angry, not even when I told Caroline about his secret doll collection. So no, she won’t get in on your birthday if it’s up to me.”

“But she sent me a letter. It also contained letters for you. One was written by Kate but the other one looked really old. We didn’t open them, but Kate instructed me to give them to you a week before your 16th birthday, so here you are.”

Dan handed his son the letters. Mike read them both carefully, whilst Dan and Phil chatted, giving the boy some time to process it all. He was nearing the end of the second letter, with furrowed brows when the doorbell rang. Phil stood up and went to open the door. Mike was still looking down at the old letter.

TUQH HUBQJYLU,

YV OEK MUHU QRBU JE TUSETU JXYI OEK QHU JXU VYHIJ IYDSU Y IJQHJUT XQDTYDW TEMD JXYI YDXUHYJUT IUSHUJ. Y QC JXU VEKDTUH EV JXU ULUHIED DQJYEDQB RQDA. JETQO, Y MHYJU CO MYBB, UNQSJBO JMUDJO-VEKH XEKHI RUVEHU JXU TESJEHI MYBB UDT CO BYVU. WE JE JXU DUQHUIJ ULUHIED DQJYEDQB RQDA, QDT QIA VEH JXU XUQT EV JXU RQDA. IXEM JXUC JXYI BUJJUH, QDT JXUO MYBB ADEM MXQJ JE TE.

HUCUCRUH, ULUD JXEKWX YJ CYWXJ DEJ RU OEKH DQCU QDOCEHU, ULUHIED XEBTI FEMUH QCEDW ULUHOEDU. OEK XQLU WHUQJ FEJUDJYQB.

SEHDUBYKI MQBJ ULUHIED

It sounded like complete gibberish, but Mike already had an idea what it was. Something stirred in his mind, an article he’d found when he did an essay about Julius Caesar for history. He was about to take out his phone to test his theory when Phil came back to the kitchen. “Mike, Kennedy wants to talk to you.”

\---

Later, Mike told his dads what had transpired between the once-best friends on their doorstep. Dan was enraged that is ‘little boy’ had had to go through that, but still praised him for not accepting her apology. She’d said that ‘she was just joking’ but Mike didn’t think he could ever look the girl in the eye again.

So now, on the night before his 16th birthday, he was sat at his desk, staring at the paper in front of him.

Dear relative,

If you were able to decode this you are the first since I started handing down this inherited secret. I am the founder of the Everson National Bank. Today, I write my will, exactly twenty-four hours before the doctors will end my life. Go to the nearest Everson National Bank, and ask for the head of the bank. Show them this letter, and they will know what to do.

Remember, even though it might not be your name anymore, Everson holds power among everyone. You have great potential.

Cornelius Walt Everson

He jumped up and sprinted down the stairs, to his dad, who was cooking dinner. It was an early dinner, but Phil had his radio show tonight, so this was a normal occurrence.

“Dad! How long do we have until dinner is ready?! And do you think Everson Bank is stilled opened?”

Dan looked utterly confused as he answered the questions. “About half an hour. And that bank is open till 7, why.”

But the teenager just thanked him and ran off to find Phil. He found the man in his office, gathering papers for his radio show. “Papa, can you drive me to the nearest Everson Bank? It has to do with the letter. Hurry, we have half an hour.”

Phil let himself be pulled to the car by his son, not really questioning it. He was used to it, the spontaneous actions. Dan did the same when he was excited for something.

They arrived at the bank, and Mike sprinted up the stairs, Phil following at a slower pace. The bank was nearing its closing moments, and there were no civilians except the people behind the desks.

Mike walked up to a desk where a fairly young man sat. He approached and started talking, not even letting the man talk.

“Hello, I need to speak to the head of this bank. The name is Everson.”

‘Brandon’ as his nametag read, looked him in the eyes, “Do you have an appointment?”

“No, but if you call them and say ‘‘Everson’ they will let me in regardless.”

Brandon picked up the phone and dialled a number. Meanwhile Phil scolded Mike for being rude. “You could have asked instead of demand to see them.”

 

Brandon cleared his throat. “Ms. Vanderwaal will meet you here.”

Phil had to wait outside while Mike talked to Ms. Vanderwaal. Brandon was being a bit too friendly, so Phil took out his phone and started texting Dan to pass the time. Mike reappeared not too long after, and they returned home. It wasn’t until they were almost finished with their dinner that Mike spoke about it again.

“I have inherited the entire fortune of my family, which is safely kept on a special bank account my great-grandfather set up when he opened the bank.”

Dan nearly choked on his water, Phil dropped his fork, and Daenerys whined as if she knew what he’d just said. Mike continued,

“I want to put part of the money away for university, and keep a part for other things. But I also want to give you two a part of it. So I’ve decided to split the money in three parts. One part will go to you, one part will be put away for future, and I’ll see what I’ll do with the third part. And you can’t refuse a gift, so no protests.”

It ended the conversation effectively.

\---

Just when Mike was opening the present from his grandparents, the doorbell rang. Phil looked around the room, counting the guests. Everyone who confirmed that they could come, was there. Who could possibly be there?

The answer became clear when he opened the door.

“What are you doing here?” the venom nearly dripped from his words.

“Can’t I visit my son on his sixteenth birthday?” Kate’s smile looked faker than her tan.

“He isn’t your son. You gave up that right when he was 5, remember. Because I do. I had to help Dan. I had to clean up the wreckage you left behind.”

Just as Kate was about to speak, Mike appeared in the hallway next to his papa.

“Papa, who is this?”

“This is the woman who gave birth to you, Mike.” Mike backed away from the door, almost frightened at the sight he was seeing.

“Michael, my son. I heard you managed to unravel the mystery of our family. I gave birth to you, don’t you think I deserve a bit of it?”

Mike’s fear turned to rage, and he stepped forward again. “The only thing I’d give you is some spare change to take the bus to ‘get the fuck away from me and my family’. You were never my mother and never will be. Have a terrible day, goodbye.”

He slammed the door in the woman’s face. He turned to Phil and smiled. “Want a piece of citrus cake?”


	5. Bat On My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my fic for the phandom reverse bang. if you go over to tumblr, look at the amazing @/dancuddly who was the artist who gave me the art that inspired me. and @/carditawrites my lovely beta writes amazing things of her own. I loved working on this idea of a Baseball!phan AU, and i think it turned out quite like i wanted it to.  
> WC: 6337

The smell of the grass; the sound of metal hitting the rubber covered cork ball; the cheer of people in the stands: that is what made him feel alive. He breathed in the adrenaline of the field and the smell of sweat in the changing rooms.

Dan Howell loved baseball more than he loved his dog - Colin was possibly the sweetest creature alive so you get the idea. When he was 6, he’d seen a game on TV with his dad, and, intrigued by the game, he’d demanded to be signed up at the nearest baseball club. In Year 7 he signed up for the school’s baseball club. When he started out he was seen as the underdog, the twink, but he lost that reputation fairly quickly when his teammates saw him play.

Soon he was the star player of the school with a reputation that spread throughout the UK. ‘Best batter in high school Baseball’ didn’t go without Howell. But now, in his last year, reputation hardly mattered. It was about living up to that reputation.

Scouts came from all the top Baseball clubs in the UK came to the big games to seek out potential talent. They worked together with some of the best universities in the UK, and if they chose you, you’d get a full funding programme for university.

Dan didn’t just want to impress the scouts, he needed it. And he’d be damned before he gave up. He would do anything.

So the time he normally spent on the internet or watching anime was now spent on training. For once, he cared about what he ate. He didn’t go overboard, but if getting a great Personal Statement meant that he had to eat fewer crisps, he was fine with it.

“Dan, Dan! The coach knows the team you’re going to be playing against! He asked me to come find you.” Dan was broken out of his thoughts by his friend’s arrival.

He was in line for lunch, and Jack was weaving through the line, throwing ‘excuse me’s’ and ‘passing through’ left, right and centre. The closer he got, the more excited he looked. Dan was half curious, half afraid.

He was interrupted by the lunch lady coughing pointedly. She nodded her head at the food in front of her. “Oh, sorry, umm I’ll have the chicken sandwich, please.”

“Dan! Are you even listening to me? I said the coach needs to speak to you. You can take your lunch with you. Hurry up!”

When Dan entered the coach’s office the coach was looking at his computer screen, but he vaguely waved to the seat in front of his desk. He sat down and ate his sandwich, slightly disgusted at the pale, almost white, tomatoes that were in the sandwich.

“Howell. I know you are counting on this game for your Personal statement, but the opposing team has just won their semi-final. Chorlton High School in Manchester. They have one of the top Pitchers of the country, Phil Lester. We’ve never played against them, but they’re good... very good. They have been national champion five times, and have had an entire team’s worth of people who will go on to play at professional level. There is one thing, however: the scouts want to see the players outside of the field. So in two weeks’ time, there’s going to be a 4-day boot camp for the teams in the final. The scouts organised it and will observe you during training and other activities. I’ve already talked to your form tutor and the head teacher and they gave permission. I just need your parents’ permission. Could you have them sign this and return it to me tomorrow?”

He handed Dan a letter, probably explaining the same he’d just been told. Dan was thinking about what he’d just heard. Phil Lester was going to be on the same field as him. He was going to be playing against Phil Lester. Even more so, he was going on a boot camp with Phil Lester. He didn’t know why he felt so excited for this.

He’d seen pictures of the guy, in online articles about recent national high school matches. Besides being a fantastic Baseball player, he was also attractive. Dan wasn’t going to deny that.

But he was the enemy. And Dan couldn’t get distracted by beautiful boys. He was training to become a professional baseball player, and they don’t get distracted by beautiful people, as far as he knew.

***

You know how parents have the ability to completely embarrass you in front of others? Dan’s mother went straight past that and to ‘I crave death and destruction’. They were waiting for the bus that would take them to the boot camp, and she was fussing over him, checking if he had everything, and making sure ‘her baby was going to be okay’ as she said. If that meant that she tugged at his collar, and kept going over a list of things he had to take with him on this trip, Dan would rather just leave.

“Owls, please make your way to the bus and put your luggage in the storage compartment before going in.”

“Bye, mum.” Dan joined PJ and Jack at the bus door. He heard his mum scream ‘I love you honey’ and felt the extreme urge to facepalm. PJ snickered and Dan elbowed him in the kidney, hard. They entered the bus and sat down.

***

“Dan, Dan! Wake up, Tim drew a moustache on your face while you were asleep. Anyway, we’re here.”

Groggily Dan sat up and wiped the sleep from his eyes. He took out his phone to check for fake moustaches, seeing it was just a few dots.

“Guys, gather around! We, the coaches, have made a randomly set up cabin division. You will be paired with a member of the Manchester team. Remember, the scouts are looking for someone who can work with what they’ve got. They want someone who takes sportsmanship before winning. So, don’t think of your roommate for the week as your enemy, but as someone who is striving for the exact same thing as you, and wants it just as bad. I’m not saying marry them, but maybe try to be friends with them. Yes, when we face them during the final, you can see them as opponents, but now, you have to show your abilities as a baseball player. The sheet with your cabin numbers is here.”

The team streamed out of the bus, and Dan glimpsed at the sheet coach was holding. He only saw his cabin number, his roommate was covered by coach’s thumb. 1910, mustn’t be hard to find.

It was hard to find, to put it simply. There was absolutely no system in the cabin numbers. Even more so, the cabins were spread over 4 fields. Eventually, Dan saw 1910, tucked away between the outskirts of the forest.

From the open window, music blasted loudly. Just as Dan stepped onto the porch, a single note blasted through the window. Immediately after, the sound of something dropping to the ground rolled out the window. He couldn’t help but giggle at the little yelp.

When he knocked on the door, the music stopped abruptly and seconds later the door opened, revealing a boy clad in a maroon shirt and matching shorts.

“Oh, you must be my cabin mate. I mean why would you be here otherwise. I’m Ph-”

“Phil Lester, star baseball player of Manchester, possibly the best pitcher in high school baseball. I know who you are. Hard to miss you. You’re kind of famous. I’m-”

“Dan Howell. You’re famous too, you spork. Although I rarely see someone who’s taller than me.”

Somehow, it got them to dissolve in uncontrollable laughter as if they’d known each other all their lives, and this wasn’t awkward at all.

“God, that sounded even cheesier in my head.” Dan looked at him confusedly. “I sometimes narrate what’s happening around me, but this better not be the cliché ‘opposite team stars meet, become best friends, they live happily ever after’ because then I’ll start singing ‘the Start of Something New’ like Troy Bolton.”

Dan burst out laughing once more and managed to say, “First, I’ll join in but cringe the whole time. Second, let’s go inside, the mosquitoes are eating me alive right now.”

When they got inside, the brunet saw that on the lower bunk, a bag lay half unpacked. A Pokémon shirt was half hanging off the bed, a pair of running bottoms and running shoes on the pillow and, neatly folded on a chair at the foot of the bed, was a Baseball uniform. The greens and blues were vibrant and seemed to light up under the sunlight streaming in through the window. Dan knew that the Manchester team was known for its brightly coloured uniforms and impeccable aesthetic, but couldn’t help but be surprised at the beauty of the uniform. He always thought his team’s uniforms were aesthetically pleasing, with the soft pastel pink and black, but they are easily beat by the vibrant colours of the Manchester team.

“I see your eyes are being attacked by the uniform of Chorlton High School. Sometimes I think we blind people with our bright uniforms, and that’s how we win.” Phil chuckled and Dan hurried to shake his head. “No, no, definitely not. You are amazing players. I watched some shitty quality videos of one of your games last season, and from what I could see, the only thing they got distracted by was the hot players-” he stopped midsentence and blushed brightly. He coughed and turned his attention to his bag.

“Thank you. I have some very good looking teammates if I can say that.”

The two guys went about their own business for a few minutes until there was a knock at the door. Phil went to get it because Dan had his hands full of clothing he was trying to put away in some orderly way.

“Hey, Phil! Want to go check out the area? It’s still like half an hour till the introduction and dinner, and I want to check out the field.” A northern voice came from the doorway.

“Sure, can Dan come? Then we can check out the area with him.” Phil hasn’t even turned around when Dan answered the unasked question. He stood up from the chair he’d sunk down in moments previous. “Sure, I’ll come, just let me put on some shoes.”

Five minutes later he was walking along with the 3 guys, Phil included. Surprisingly, PJ was there as well and greeted Dan.

“Well, Ello. I’m Chris Kendall, Catcher supreme. Also PJ cabin-mate. And also possibly planning your murder in the forest later this week.”

For just one terrifying moment Dan thought he was serious, whilst he made eye contact with PJ. Then he caught sight of Chris’ shit eating grin and burst out laughing. Phil was giggling, hiding his mouth behind his hand.

Dan sobered up at the sight. ‘Shit’.

***

“Hello, gentlemen. Welcome to Baseball camp. This week we, as ‘scouts’, want to observe you as you train and interact with each other. We set this up-”

Phil tuned out the voice of the man standing at the centre of the dining hall. He preferred to stare at the boy sitting opposite him, currently whispering to PJ, also ignoring the man still talking.

Of course, he’d seen pictures of Dan Howell, as he was one of the more famous high school players. Yet somehow the pictures just didn’t do him justice. Was he going to be having these cheesy thoughts all throughout the week? Probably.

“… halfway through the week, we will play a game, not competitive, just to see you play in a competition.”

This was going to be an interesting week.

***

The next morning, Phil was woken up by an insistent knocking on the door. Groggily, he opened it, to reveal one of his teammates, Dean.

“What do you want? It’s too early to prank Jack.”

“The warm-up starts in half an hour. Get up and ready. Meet me back in the dining hall. Wear your track clothes.”

He turned around and left. “Good morning to you too, Mister Dobbs.” Phil muttered as he shut the door and trudged back to his bed, climbing up the ladder of the bunk to wake up Dan, only to find the brunet facing towards the gap for the ladder. Their faces were close, and Dan’s breath fanned over Phil’s nose.

“Dan, Dan wake up. We have to start training.” He softly shook the boy awake. Dan grumbled and opened his eyes, blinking the sleep out of eyes.

“Go get ready, we have a track training in half an hour. And you still need to eat breakfast.” Phil went down the ladder and assembled his track clothes before disappearing into the bathroom

Dan grumbled again and pushed aside his covers, rubbing his eyes whilst going down the ladder. He walked to his bag and picked up his clothes. He discarded his sleeping shirt and put on his black track shirt and black track shorts.

About ten minutes later they were all standing on a large grass field. At the front, Dan’s coach was talking about a slow warmup, followed by sprint training and some evaluation by the ‘scouts’.

“This is going to be fun,” Dan muttered.

PJ snickered beside him. “Why do you hate running so much when you’re one of the best sprinters in the team? You scored home runs that seemed impossible and yet you complain every time we have to run. I just don’t get it.”

Dan was about to go on his rant about running again when Chris interrupted them. “I think PJ explained this to me last night. You hate exercising and eating healthily, except when it’s Baseball? I do not want to see the insides of your brain.”

“I think you just want a whole lot of naked topless guys.” PJ looked horrified a second after the words had left his lips. It had just slipped. Their entire team was okay with Dan’s sexuality and usually teased him about it with good manners. But, once they made a joke whilst they were at a game, and the opposite team had reacted repulsively and were disgusted. They demanded that the match would be cancelled, as they ‘wouldn’t play against a homosexual team’. The Umpire had to step in and even asked Dan if he wanted it in an official report.

Dan slowly stepped towards PJ, just in case things got ugly.

“Well, let me in then. As long as Haru Chan is in there too: he deserves some good shirtless action.” Phil’s voice shook Dan out of his alert and ready to move mindset.

“Do I have to go all crazy on you guys or not? Because I’m prepared to kick some ass for this crazy hobbit.” PJ stepped closer to Phil and Chris, at least trying to look intimidating.

“I don’t think so unless you want to protect him from my irresistible body.” Chris sniggered and did a half-assed body role.

Phil immediately hit him in the chest and hissed ‘Chris’ but he was smiling. “Don’t worry. Chris is the most flaming homosexual in this team, and I don’t care what sexuality you are, I care about who you are as a person.”

Dan breathed out in relief. PJ let his shoulders relax.

“Everyone, start with three laps around the field!”

Dan grunted and started jogging. His curly-haired friend huffed out a laugh and followed him. The two others followed suit.

Five minutes in, Dan felt the sweat on his forehead. His hair was beginning to curl and he felt the need to lie down and take a short nap.

“Okay, split up in groups and start sprinting the short sides of the field. We’ll do something else later.”

Dan, Phil, PJ and Chris stood together. “So, Howell. You claim that you’re a good sprinter? Let’s see. Fastest to the other side wins.”

“Deal.”

“3… 2… 1… Go!”

They took off towards the other side of the field, Dan quickly taking the lead on Chris. His feet kept going faster, lightly tapping the grass. When he came to a halt at the other end of the field he managed to slip on the grass that was still wet with dew. He came to a slippery halt just in front of the trees lining the field.

“I win! Suck on that Kendall.” Dan cheered victoriously. Chris was standing a few metres from him and PJ and Phil were sprinting towards them, PJ barely keeping a straight face until he stopped in front of Dan.

“How do you always manage to trip over something or bump into something? It’s like you forget the rest of the world exists.”

Dan opened his mouth to reply sassily but before he could, the coach called them together.

Before they started walking, Phil grabbed Dan by the wrist lightly. “Are you okay? You’re not hurt, are you?”

“I’m fine, but thanks for asking.”

***

Throughout the week they did group activities and sometimes personal assignments one on one with the ‘scouts’. They only stopped training for food, and if the scouts wanted to talk to them. When they got closer to the mid-week competition, people began to sneakily sabotage the opposite team. Dan and Phil made a pact to not let any of their teammates into their cabin without the permission of both of them and they were both awake and in the cabin as well. This was to prevent any pranks from happening.

Then there was a second thing happening. Dan figured out pretty quickly that living in a small space with someone who was not only hot, but also really funny and kind, wasn’t a very good idea. The more he talked to Phil, the more butterflies he felt fluttering in his stomach. When Phil laughed, alarm bells went off in his head. When they touched, Dan thought he could feel sparks travel through his skin. It was so cliché, but he just couldn’t help it.

Phil on the other hand, had been told off by his coach mutable times for being distracted during the training. He was told to get his head in the game or get out. (Dan had laughed loudly, much to the coach’s confusion, and started singing ‘get your head in the game’). The problem was that, more often than not, the thing that was distracting him was in the field with Dan. Dan was laughing, messing around or even just doing what he was told beside him, and Phil would go off into a fantasy about kissing those dimples oh so softly, just barely brushing his lips against the slightly tanned skin. Once, he’d let the fantasy get the best of him, and had leaned in towards Dan’s cheek until he suddenly realised he couldn’t just do that.

Chris and PJ had noticed their behaviour by now. They continuously teased the two boys about, but only when the other wasn’t there. Dan would be staring at his dinner, and PJ would pipe up with ‘thinking about Phil, aren’t you?’ and Dan would blush bright red and splutter indignantly.

This was not working for either of them. Phil tried to ignore the butterflies fluttering in his stomach when those brown doe eyes shone. Dan tried to not get lost in those ocean blue eyes whenever he could. They had to concentrate. This was still a competition.

***

“Howell! Don’t disappoint me today. Concentrate. Lester is one of the top pitchers, and one of a kind. This is your chance to observe him and learn his tactics. This goes for all of you! It’s been decided we play field first. PJ, pitch. Tim, left fielder. Finn, first baseman. Jack, third baseman. Jason, catcher. Dereck, centre fielder. Dave, right fielder. Dan, shortstop and Sam, second baseman. Rest benches. Okay, let’s go Owls!”

Quickly they took their positions. The other team was ready to start hitting, the Umpire blew on his whistle, and Dan was off into his mindset. Nothing mattered more than winning the game. The first hit was played. The ball flew through the sky, the whistling like music to Dan’s ears.

The ball started to descend near centre fielder, who made a dash for the ball. A hush fell over the field. There was no laughing, no talking, just utter concentration on the game.

As the game continued scores kept close. Dan was kept away from the hitting plate. His coach often did that when it was a tough game, keeping his stronger players out until later, in case they needed to make a comeback.

However, the Chorlton coach had the same idea. Until 15 minutes before the game ended both of them were benched. The scores were tied. Dan’s team was hitting.

“Howell, your go!” Dan jumped up and walked towards the hitting plate. Across the field, he heard Phil’s coach shout ‘Lester you’re up!’

Dan felt a thrill of excitement go down his spine. He was up against the player that was almost entirely out of his league.

He lifted his bat and got ready. Phil pulled back his hand and looked Dan in the eye. “Don’t get distracted, Dan! Don’t get distracted Dan!” it ran through his head. The voice sounded strangely like PJ, and somehow Dan thought PJ was signalling it telepathically.

The ball surged forward. It was a fast one and if he didn’t hit it, it would be a strike. Dan tried to keep his eye on the ball. He pulled back his bat even further and pushed it forward.

The wood hit the ball. The whistling went away, but Dan wasn’t paying attention. He threw the bat backwards. His feet were moving towards first base. The ball was still going. Second base was approaching. Dan took the risk to look at the ball, seeing that it was still high in the air and going towards the long end. He continued running. He passed third base. Home base was getting closer.

Phil stood there, in the middle of the field. He was watching Dan run around the field, like a black streak with pink highlights. When he’d seen Dan in his uniform this morning he’d actually let his mouth fall open. The uniform was very fitted, and the black complimented his entire body.

“Homerun!” The Owls started cheering loudly. Dan sank on the ground and just smiled at Phil, who was still staring at him. His eyes were soft, his hair going extra curly from the sweat.

The rest of the game seemed to go by in a blur, at least for Phil. That smile was stuck on his mind, and it made his heart stutter slightly.

At the end, he walked to Dan and stopped in front of him.

“Congratulations on winning the championship.” He was grinning like a fool, he was 100% sure he was.

“Um… Phil, this was a test game. We haven’t even played the real game.” Dan looked amused and slightly confused.

“Yeah, but at the rate, you’re going we won’t stand a chance. You’ve already won in my book.”

“Phil that’s very sweet of you, but you are downplaying your team undeservedly. We barely won. There were some lucky moments. We stand just as much of a chance as you. Why do you think we both made it to the final? Because we managed to beat everyone else.”

They were approaching their cabin, but Phil stopped the brunet by softly grasping his hand. “Hey, um... Dan... I... I just... I just really want us to stay in touch, you know after this week, and after the finale.” Not exactly want he was going to say, but close enough.

Dan smiled his full-on dimpled smile. “You spork, of course we’re going to be friends after this. I can honestly say that you’ve become one of my best friends in the last few days.” He smiled again and pulled the older one into a hug.

“Oi, Howell! No distracting our team with your body!”

“Fuck off Kendall!”

****

As the week continued, Dan tried to tell Phil how he felt on multiple occasion. Every time he would back out a the last moment, finding it too great a risk to ruin this new found friendship over something so silly as a tiny crush.

Only it wasn’t a tiny crush. It was more like falling in love, hard and fast. It seemed like the world had opened up a gigantic hole of Phil’s little habits and antics. However, as soon as Dan opened his mouth to just fucking say something, all odds seemed to go against him.

Once his coach walked up to them when he’d just gotten the first words out. His coach had then proceeded to pull him away, and go through a new idea he’d had, for an hour. By the time the man was done talking, Phil was training with his team.

Dan was determined to change that. He made a promise to himself, and PJ, that he would tell the ebony haired man before midnight on the night of the finale. He also promised PJ that if that didn’t happen, he’d allow him and Chris to interfere.

Dan wasn’t quite sure if that was the brightest idea he’d ever had, but it was too late now.

It was also too late to tell Phil in person because the bus was leaving in two minutes and Dan hadn’t seen Phil since breakfast. He reluctantly put his bag in the storage compartment and turned towards the doors. PJ patted him on the shoulder comfortingly. They were the last to get on the bus, and the bus driver was impatiently waiting for them to just get on, so they could start the two hour drive back to school.

Just as the doors closed Dan saw a figure run onto the road where the scouts had just said their temporary goodbyes. He was sprinting towards the bus. The bus driver was about to turn on the motor when Dan screamed: “Wait! Stop! I forgot something. I’ll just be a second.”

He heard everyone on the bus sigh, but his coach nodded. “Hurry Howell.”

Then he was sprinting down the road, approaching the figure still running towards him.

“Phil I need to say something. And just, just wait until I’m finished. I don’t have long. I like you, as more than a friend I guess. No I don’t guess, I know. And I don’t know if I just ruined a great friendship, but it was worth it. I know you might not feel the same way, and that’s okay. I just hope that we can at least maintain some form of friendship.”

And with that he sprinted back to the bus, and plopped down next to PJ, who was staring at him with open mouth. “You did not just tell him and then run off?! I can’t believe you!”

Dan, however, wasn’t interested in the happenings in the bus. Instead he stared out the window, at the figure that was swiftly getting smaller.

Phil stared at the retreating bus, still trying to comprehend the words that had just reached his ears. Somehow, Dan Howell was interested in him. He took out his phone, fumbling to get it as fast as possible.

It was only when he was frantically trying to get the damned thing to turn on that he remembered that his phone charger was at home, and throughout the week he’d borrowed people’s chargers to keep it alive. Only today, with everyone packing, he’d forgotten to charge it.

“Phil, we’re about to leave. You coming?” Chris came around the corner. Phil shook his head to shake himself out of his daze and turned towards his friend. “Yeah...” it came out to rough for his liking. He cleared his throat, “yes, let’s go.”

***

Dan felt miserable over the weekend. He’d expected at least one text from Phil, but when he received nothing for the majority of those two days, he gathered all the guts he had and text it him. It had been disappointing when the text had remained unanswered.

Despite this Dan showed up to school on Monday in a good mood. He felt good about the game in two weeks. His schoolyear so far had gone great. He wasn’t about to let feelings get in the way of that.

By the time lunch came around he’d mostly forgotten about the text incident. Almost. When he sat down with his friends he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket several times. He pulled it out of pocket, not looking at the caller ID.

“Hey, this is Dan.”

“Dan, it’s Phil from Chris’ phone. My brother took my charger when he visited last week and I haven’t been able to charge my phone since I got home. I was going to text you when you got on the bus but then my phone died and I couldn’t and….”

“Phil it’s okay.”

“No it’s not and I’m going to make it up to you. You’ll see. You’ll be charmed Mr. Howell.”

The line went dead and Dan pulled the phone away from his ear. He let a dimpled smile slide onto his face. Louise immediately started to interrogate him.

“Who is it, and what made you smile so much? PJ, I demand a story fact check.”

When the two were done explaining, Louise was giggling loudly and around them some of Dan’s other friends were very amused.

“So Dan, you confessed your undying love for the man, then ran onto a bus. You spent the weekend being miserable, and when you sent a text and didn’t get a reply, you didn’t think to look if it had actually been received. And it turns out your little lover boy just lost his phone charger and loves you. And he promised to charm you off your feet. This could only happen to you Daniel Howell.”

“Preach.”

***

Chorlton high school’s baseball team was spending the entire afternoon before the game at Dan’s school. Dan still had his lessons to follow, but frankly, he wasn’t really aware of what actually happened during these lessons. All he could think was that Phil was so close, so fucking close.

During the two weeks leading up to the game, the two had texted almost nonstop. Among the long conversations about almost anything, they flirted, and every time Phil responded to his flirting with more flirting Dan felt his heart do a little jump. So knowing that the blue eyed boy was in the same building as him, made him feel giddy.

His friends teased him endlessly. Louise seemed to hum Disney songs whenever Dan was around. Often it was the same one and after three days of that same song being stuck in his head, Dan had caved and googled the song.

Why Louise was singing ‘Did I mention’ was still a mystery to Dan. he asked her on several occasions, and eventually she made him watch Descendants and Descendants 2 because Louise doesn’t do half work. But Dan was just as clueless, if not crushing a little bit on Jay’s muscles.

They were supposed to arrive during the period before lunch. Honestly, by the time the lunch bell rang, Dan was shaking with giddy excitement. His mind was a near constant chant of ‘Phil! Phil!’ and his smile hadn’t left his lips for the last hour. As he entered the cafeteria, he eagerly looked around for the bright green and blue uniforms. He found them shattered around the cafeteria, sitting with his teammates who sat with their own groups of friends. At last he saw PJ and Chris sitting at their usual table. Still no sign of Phil.

“Hey Howell, sad to see you’re still on your feet.” Chris patted him on the shoulder, his signature smirk firmly planted on his face.

“He’s not going to react. He hasn’t had his daily dose of Phil yet, and he’s a bit addicted.” Dan desperately wanted to hit his friends, who were all snickering at PJ’s comment.

“Oh, didn’t Phil tell you. He is with the coach, working on some last minute tactics. Will probably take the rest of the day. He said to tell you hello, and that he’ll see you at the game.” Chris smiled sympathetically and pat Dan on the back again.

“Oh. Okay. Thanks.” Dan took his spot at the table. He wouldn’t let the dejection get him down on the day of the big game.

***

“Listen up Owls! As much as this game is about winning, it is more important that you show the scouts that you are someone they want on their team. They don’t care who wins or loses tonight, they care about you and your talents. We are going to play like the test game, only better. This time we start as batting team. Howell, I want you on the bench for now.” Their coach was standing at the door of their changing room giving his usual pre-game talk. The team was calm, as they always were just before the adrenaline kicked in. Dan felt them all take a collective breath before the coach opened the door.

The stands were full, people were cheering and the music was blasting loudly. The crowd seemed to unleash energy from within Dan, and he was ready to win a game.

“Players please take your positions.” Across from their bench, Phil was sat, also on the bench. They briefly met eyes, and exchanged smiles. Dan felt his insides flutter.

They were on the fifth inning when the coach called Dan to the plate. He walked to the plate, bat in hand. Across from him Phil stood at the pitching plate. He took a deep breath and laid the bat on his shoulder. He went back to the basics of baseball that he was taught in the very beginning. It always helped him calm down.

Elbows up, let your armpits air. Body sideways, non-dominant side forwards. Deep breath, eyes on the pitcher.

Phil pulled his hand back, and threw. The ball whistled towards him and Dan forgot the crowds. The only things left on the field were him and the ball. The sound became muted, as if he had cushions over his ears.

If he wouldn’t hit the ball, it would be a strike. The ball was a fast one. He swung his bat forward. Wood connected with the ball. He forced the ball away from himself. As soon as he felt the connection break he dropped the bat and started running.

He passed first base, and continued running. He was approaching second base when he saw, from his peripheral vision, a field player throwing the ball towards the person standing at second base. He pushed himself to go faster. His left foot hit the base.

Pan shot up his knee. His leg gave out underneath him. A collective gasp ran through the crowd. Dan blinked at his knee, trying to comprehend what had just happened. The ball lay a few centimetres away. Then the Umpire was beside him. “Are you okay boy?” Dan nodded, and pushed his upper body off the ground.

When he tried to stand he felt pain shoot through his knee yet again. He almost fell over, but the umpire caught him before he could, and helped him towards the benches. The coach was already waiting with a first aid kit.

“You got a long ball to the knee boy. Got busted pretty bad, I think. I can’t let you play. Let’s get this knee cooled.”

So Dan sat out the game watching the scoreboard go up, somehow staying even for most of the game. All throughout that, he felt eyes on him, and when he looked up once, he found himself staring at Phil, who seemed to look at him in earnest concern.

During the last inning Phil was once again at the pitching plate. He threw the ball at Dave, who swung. Strike. Phil threw the ball again. Dave didn’t swing. Ball. He threw again, Dave hit the ball. It flew through the air, and landed in Chris’ glove.

“End Game.” Dan looked at the scoreboard. Chorlton high was ahead just a few points. They won. Cheering went through the crowd. Dan clapped along. Someone walked onto the field to announce the official winners of the high school baseball competition in the UK.

As Dan watched, he saw Phil take the microphone, and call for attention.

“Excuse me, can I have your attention please. I need to tell someone something very important. Two weeks ago we went on a training camp, and I met one of the UK’s top amateur players. Dan Howell. At the end of that training camp, he told me he was in love with me. But, in Dan Howell fashion, he didn’t give me the chance to response. So here’s my response Dan Howell. I am as much in love with you as you are with me, and maybe more. O would you, please, go on a date with me. Don’t stand up! I’ll come over to you.”

Dan was blushing and grinning as the ebony haired boy approached. As soon as they were close enough, he stood on unsteady feet, and threw himself into Phil’s arms.

“I’d love to go on a date with you.”

***

In the end, it didn’t matter that Dan hadn’t been able to play for more than just a minute. He got a letter from the scouts, saying they loved his performance throughout the week during training, and they wanted him. Phil ended up getting the same letter and they were accepted together. It felt amazing to go into his dorm and see his boyfriend there.

“How is that for cheesy, Phil?”


	6. The Eight Guys Phil Lester Has Dated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil Lester had dated seven guys throughout his life, and not all of them were successful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of biphobia and bi-erasure, as well as cheating  
> Genre: Fluff
> 
> So I saw this ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIum-TIW__w ) video by Buzzfeed, and got inspired to write this short fic whilst I work on my testweek and a fic that is a little longer. Enjoy!

In his 31 years of living, Phil can say he has dated eight types of guys, all of which special and unique in their own ways. And as they were unique, they were also flawed, some more than others. He certainly didn’t date them all equally long, and he definitely regretted some of his choices.

 

Scenester

First there was the scenester. Phil met him halfway through his final year of school before he left for university. He was somewhat of a free spirit. He had no subtlety, loved to party more than anything. It’s actually how they met.

For Phil’s 18th birthday he went to a club in Manchester with some friends. He’d been reluctant to dance at first, until he had spotted the guy sneaking glances at him from a little down the bar. Within 10 minutes he had convinced Phil to dance, and Phil had left the club that night with his number. They ended up dating for about two months, before they broke it off.

This guy was very fun but very exhausting.

Revolutionist

About half a year later he met him. The revolutionist. He was Tumblr as a person. He was convinced their relationship was the epiphany of LGBT+ rights and that they should stand for everything gay. It ended pretty soon, when Phil mentioned he didn’t solely like men, and was met with “you are not the person I want to be seen with.”

His catchphrase had been: “Internalised homophobia” for everything.

Sophisticate

Phil honestly doesn’t remember how he had ended up ‘dating’ this man. He was very rich, and very extra. Every place they went had a prices no less than 50 pounds. He paid for everything, but bought Phil the most ridiculous outfits and accessories. At some point he’d bought Phil a watch that was worth more than had been in his bank account at the time. (In between bills, general student brokenness and having just quit his job, it was really not /that/ hard)

Phil had been left for someone of a higher standard, but it didn’t bother him that much, as they had never really defined their relationship.

In the end, Phil had an incredibly expensive watch, clothes worth more than his entire wardrobe, and some strange experiences.

Man-child

Honestly, there wasn’t much that was wrong with this one. They were a little too much alike, and caused their short but sweet relationship to be boring.

He was very childish, and sometimes even Phil got annoyed by his childlike nature and strange habits. He was also extremely nerdy, and as much as Phil fell in the same category, it became a bit much to be corrected every time he as much got the smallest of details wrong. Life seemed to be one big inside joke to this man.

Romantic

Number five was the only one that had left Phil truly heartbroken for a while. At age 22, Phil wasn’t really thinking about settling down. However, his boyfriend was. He always talked about how many children he wanted, and what his wedding would look like. He was very insistent about loyalty. He said it was of utmost importance that they remained loyal to one another. It had gotten to the point where Phil was considering to ask him to move in with him, until he found out that his boyfriend was indeed very loyal, and like plans for the future, but not his.

His ex-boyfriend’s plans were more to his liking, so he’d remained loyal to him, instead of Phil.

Competitor

Looking back, Phil realised that this man might have been a rebound from his breakup with the romantic. He was everything the previous had not been. He thought he had to be the best at everything, and be on top all the time, literally and figuratively. As it turned out, Phil had been a rebound for him as well, trying to compete with his ex-girlfriend to get back at her.

This altogether caused the downfall of their relation. Phil didn’t like confrontation, and it was his partner’s number one way to solve everything. They were near constantly fighting, and within a few weeks they had broken up.

Alternative

For two years, Phil didn’t date. He focused on his career as a YouTuber, and signed a contract with BBC radio one. During one of the meetings with the BBC, a guy had been staring at him constantly. Three days later, they were on a date at a strange coffee shop, were not only coffee was served.

And it continued like that. They went to the strangest places, and Phil got dragged into the strangest activities. Let’s just say, the relationship had ended when he’d brought up wearing a fursuit during sex to Phil.

He was just into some really strange shit.

Daniel Howell

At age 26 Phil had stopped actively seeking out dates. He was content with his life. He had a great job, a great audience, and even greater friends.

When he was over at Louise’s one day to film a collab, and to hang out with her and he daughter, his Twitter mentions had flooded. After doing some digging, he found out it was because a new video that had been uploaded around an hour earlier. The video was by Dan Howell, fellow YouTuber who Phil had met and exchanged polite conversation with at conventions and YouTube events.

It was a Q and A (called Dan Answers the Furriest of Questions) and after watching it with Louise, Phil discovered that Dan got a particular question which caused his mentions to blow up.

“What British YouTubers that you haven’t collabed with before do you want to collab?” Dan had read from his phone. He looked up into the camera and smiled a dimply smile.

“O God, my inner fangirl is going to come out. I’d love to collab with Zoe aka Zoella. I have collabed with Alfie, and of course I’ve met Zoe, but I’d want her to do my makeup. I’d also love to collab with Louise. I’m actually pretty sure we’ve talked about it before. So Louise, if you’re watching this, slide into my DMs and hit me up for that collab” Louise had squealed and reached for her phone. As Phil looked over her shoulder as she did indeed DM Dan. on the TV, Dan continued talking.

“I think that my 18 year old self would murder me if I didn’t mention AmazingPhil, or Phil Lester. I’ve met him a few times at conventions, and we’ve talked. Funny thing is, as a teen I was obsessed with him. He inspired me to start YouTube. And just between you and me, I’ve always thought he’s really hot. I’m still subscribed to this day.”

Phil doesn’t remember much of the rest of the video, just that he had publicly tweeted at Dan.

Phil Lester  
@AmazingPhil  
@danielhowell I believe you wanted to collab? (Btw thanks for the compliment. Right back at you)

Three weeks later they’d collabed for the first time. And within two days they were sat at a coffee shop, a normal one, on their first date. Dan laughed about Phil’s clumsy nature and strange experiences.

And two years later, while Phil watched Dan sleep in their bed, their bedroom, in their apartment, he realised that Dan might be the one. Even though he swore a lot, was very sarcastic and sometimes thought too much, Phil had yet to find anything about him that could escalate into a deal breaker.

And as he let Dan snuggle closer to him, and press his cold feet against Phil’s leg, he smiled.

Daniel Howell, the eight guy Phil has dated in his life, the One.


	7. Cheers for Queers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written for the Phandom reverse bang on Tumblr. The art was made by thebabiesarentokay on Tumblr. the fic was beta'd by dances with sweaters.

The air around him smelled of freshly baked pastries, coffee and rain. The café was nearly empty, as it was nearing tea time, in the middle of summer holidays. Apart from Phil, there was a family of four sat around a round table at the other side of the café.

The rain was falling down, steady but forceful. It streamed along the old London streets and pooled where the pavement was no longer at level. Phil sighed whilst staring out the window, putting off leaving the comfort of the café.

He started towards the toilets, drawing out the time a little more by using the loo. He was hoping that by the time he got back it would’ve stopped raining. As much as one could hope, it was still London and it rained so often and it was unlikely for it to stop in five minutes.

As he made his way to the back of the café, he heard a small uproar at the table of the family. He ignored it in favour of respecting their privacy.

When he returned, the family was gone. Lydia, owner of the café and a close friend of Phil’s, was already placing the chairs on the tables. 

“Hey Phil, thought I saw your umbrella in the umbrella stand. You should’ve seen that family leave. The father nearly threw the money at me, the son was outside in tears before the rest of the family had even stood up. The daughter was just looking at the floor.”

Phil snickered. Lydia had the habit of telling him about strange situations at the café.

“What story did you think of for them?” 

Another habit of Lydia’s was to make up stories about the strange situations, which would often take a turn for the magical, taking the shape of myths about dragons, even beyond Phil’s imagination.

“Dad forgot he had cookies in the oven. The mom had a bad client at work. The son has lost his fairy wings and the daughter is still learning how to breathe fire.” Lydia was wiping the counters, her face straight and her voice level.

Phil shook his head and took his umbrella from the umbrella stand. 

“How do you still have a business in baked goods? You would do great as a writer. See you tomorrow!” He opened the door to the café, sighing at the rain still pouring down.

As he closed the door, he heard Lydia call out, “Bye!”

Stood under the protection of the overhang, Phil opened his umbrella. The noise of the rain seemed to drown out the entire world. Just as Phil turned to walk down the street, he noticed someone sitting under the hangover, on the pavement, huddled against the building.

It was the boy from the café. Now that Phil got a closer look at him, however, he realised that this man was around his own age. He was curled into a ball, his shoulders seemed to be shaking slightly. His face was turned away from Phil but his hands were in his hair, tugging at it.

“Sir are you okay?” Phil approached the huddled figure, “No, of course you aren’t. Stupid of me to ask. Do you need help?”

The man looked up. Tearstained blotchy cheeks and red-rimmed brown eyes stared up at Phil.

“C-could you help me up. I can’t really feel my legs.” The man’s voice was quiet, nearly drowned out in the rain. He held out his hand for Phil to latch on to. Just as Phil was about to do just that, he noticed how the other’s hands were shaking. He clasped their hands together and pulled it towards himself.

The man came up willingly, and even though when he stood at full height he was taller than Phil, he was light and easily pulled up for someone who didn’t really work out.

When he stood on both his legs, they seemed to shake for a moment. Phil reached out his arm and wrapped it around the man’s waist for support. 

“I’m Phil.” He said. He felt the strange urge to protect this man, who had been sitting so lonely on the pavement.

“I’m Dan, nice to meet you. I’m sorry to inconvenience you.” Dan tried to push himself away from Phil’s supporting arm, but the latter only tightened his hold, just enough to stop Dan from moving away.

“You know, I love the rain, but hate how wet it makes me. I wish I could just look at the rain through a glass bubble,” Phil rambled.

“Do you have somewhere you need to be?” Phil asked, mildly concerned about this handsome stranger.

Dan shook his head softly. He kept his eyes slightly downcast, never quite looking Phil directly in the eye.

“Do you want to walk with me for a bit?” Phil offered. Dan nodded his head and let himself be led down the street.

He looked at the rain as they walked down the streets of London, moving away from the City towards the suburbs.

“You know that’s what windows are for, right.” Dan had dried his tears and was looking up at Phil, smiling with an amused glint in his eyes. His eyes still looked a little watery, and red, but they seemed to have regained a certain spark that wasn’t there minutes before. “Looking outside without having to partake in it.”

They crossed the road, narrowly avoiding a car that ran a red light, but not without Dan loudly swearing at the driver.

“You’re not taking me away to kill me, right?” he asked suspiciously, moving closer to Phil to avoid a large puddle. Only, instead of just gracefully sliding aside, he stumbled over his feet and tripped into the other. His chest collided painfully with Phil’s boney shoulder.

“Ouch!” Dan hissed, rubbing his sternum, more out of shock than out of pain. It seemed that he always got himself into awkward situations.

“Oh, sorry. Are you okay?” Phil’s hand shot up, only to retract hesitantly as to not touch a near stranger.

“Yeah I’m fine. Where are we going?” Dan was curious as to where Phil was leading him.

“Well I’m cold and you’ve been shivering the whole time. If you don’t mind, We’re on our way to my apartment. 

As he looked sideways at Dan, he came to a halt in front of his apartment complex. He fumbled for his keys, his wet skinny jeans sticking to his legs.

The lock sprung open and a warm rush of air fell over the two men. “God, this is what I needed!”  

\---

“Make yourself at home,”Phil said, directing Dan’s attention to the comfortable-looking sofa in the living space. “I’ll find you something dry to wear.”

Dan looked around the apartment. The walls were decorated with paintings and posters, each one nerdier than the last. This man seemed to be the perfect combination of good-looking and kind. He was handsome, with a frame that was perfectly proportioned. His black hair contrasted perfectly with his pale skin.

“So I could only find my superman pyjamas and my emoji pyjamas. No judging, they’re very soft. And clean.”

Dan laughed as the offensively yellow trousers were thrown towards his head. He accepted the tea Phil handed him and took a tentative sip to test the sweetness.

“Perfect.” He couldn’t help but sigh, feeling warmth seep back into his body.

“If you don’t mind me asking, why were you crying earlier? You don’t have to answer.” Phil was looking at him over the glasses he’d put on and… fuck. Dan was definitely fucked.

“No it’s okay. It was shock more than the actual event. I was in the café with my parents and brother. They were visiting for the weekend. And I thought it was finally time to come out to them.” Dan sighed and took another sip of tea. “I really don’t know what I was expecting. My dad has been openly homophobic as long as I can remember, and my mom comes from a conservative religious family. I knew their reaction wasn’t going to be positive. I guess I feel worse because of my brother Alex. He just wants to start transitioning, but our parents would never allow it. He’s almost done with high school and he’s going to move out here as soon as possible. He hates that our parents call him Alexandra and that his school doesn’t recognise his preferred pronouns.”

For a while silence hung in the room. Dan sipped his tea and Phil looked at the man sitting on his couch. Phil nodded, encouraging Dan to continue.

“I guess something I’m more worried about is how I’m going to help him. I’m 26, and still in university. How can I help him find a place?”

Dan looked at his phone, which he had placed on the table. The time it showed was 11:33 PM.

“Shit, I’m sorry for bothering you. Thank you for the tea and the pajama bottoms,” Dan said as jumped up from his place on the couch. He didn’t really wanting to leave, but he felt like he had overstayed his welcome.

“Wait! I want to give you my number. That way I can return your jeans once they’re dry and you can give me back my pajamas. You can text me whenever. I’ll help you out. Or just talk to you.”

Phil put his phone number into Dan’s phone, before handing it back to him, secretly feeling grateful that he had managed not to drop it.

“What’s your last name?”Dan asked. “I have a Phil form uni in my phone and I don’t want to confuse you two.” Dan didn’t know why he felt so drawn to this guy, who he had met whilst crying in the rain. He was putting a lot of trust in a stranger.

“Oh, I never told you. It’s Lester, spelled L-E-S-T-E-R.”

The brunet hummed to himself. Funny, he thought he’d heard that name before. He shrugged it off, in favour of following Phil to the door.

“I hope to talk to you soon Dan. Goodnight, sleep tight.” Dan waved as this gorgeous man closed the doors, seeing the glimpses of a smile through the last crack of the door.

\----

_ 03.46 Am _ _   
_ **Unknown number**

_ Now i know where i’ve heard your name before. You’re a radio presenter for BBC Radio 1.  _

_ 08.36 Am _ _   
_ **Phil Lester**

_ You caught me! Radio presenter by day, taking care of cute guys at night!  _

_ Oops that came out wrong! _

_ I meant cute boys like you. Giving them some tea. _

‘Smooth as always, Phil,’ Phil thought to himself. He sat his phone down on the counter in favour of picking up his mug of coffee. After looking at his phone for a few more minutes he left to go to work.

\---

He was supposed to be coming up with ideas for the next big show he was going to do, but he was getting distracted by Dan sending him pictures of dogs and memes throughout the day. Around 1:00pm, just as he was going on lunch break, an idea hit him like a ton of bricks.

He rushed back to his computer, frantically typing up the idea in a text document, before sprinting off to the lunchroom before the pizza was gone.

**_Cheer for all those who are queer!_ **

_ ‘Being LGBT+ isn’t always easy. You’re always going to have to fight against the people that won’t accept you for who you are. What can we do to help make it a little easier and no longer taboo?’ _

The description blinked back at Phil from the front page of the BBC Radio 1 website. His boss had approved the idea instantly, and told him to gather some people he wanted with him on stage. On his quest he’d ended up on YouTube, looking for some of the most significant British LGBT+ YouTubers. He’d gathered a short list, and even got Tyler Oakley to fly out, who was more than happy to help Phil present.

There were just two people left on his list who he had to ask if they wanted to be there.

\----

Dan burst out laughing as Phil fell off the track again. “Honestly, Phil, how can you be so bad at Mario Kart?”

Phil pouted at Dan as he crossed the finish line. “You’re just too good at this game. I demand you play blindfolded next round.” He giggled as Dan pumped his arm in victory, as if it was such an unexpected outcome.

“Kinky,” Dan muttered, “didn’t know you were into that kind of stuff. I’ll keep that in mind.”

Phil giggled with pink cheeks. “You do that, bossy.”

This had been happening since they met. The playful comments and actions, borderline flirting, or even downright flirting. Little touches that sent sparks flying, comment that could only be interpreted in so many ways, and most of them not platonic.

Dan’s phone dinged with Alex’s special ringtone. He picked up his phone from the couch, eyes skimming over the message .

“Alex asks if he can come by this weekend to check out some housing options. Would you be okay with that?” Dan looked up hesitantly. They’d planned to go to Infinity War on Saturday, and he hated having to blow off Phil.

“Dan, of course that’s okay. When are his exams over again? He can come down as soon as his last exam is over, and stay as long as he wants. I like him.”

Dan texted his brother that it was fine, before dropping his phone back on his lap. He worried his lip between his teeth. “Phil,” he said.

“Hmm, what?” Phil hummed staring at the Television in concentration. His tongue was poking out slightly, and his eyes glinted with glee as he watched the Mario Kart characters race across the screen. (Dan had no idea how he missed Phil putting on a game of Mario Kart.)

“Earth to Dan? You look a little off. Are you feeling alright?” Phil’s blue eyes were focused on Dan and fuck, couldn’t he stop being so perfect for just one second. His face was so close.

“Oh, just wanted to ask if it’s really fine. I know you really wanted to see Infinity War this weekend.”

Phil’s face lit up as he smiled, oh so reassuring. “Dan, I want to see Infinity War, yes. But, I also want to you to help your brother,” he said softly. “I did want to ask, when Alex is done with school is he moving out here before his graduation ceremony?”

A giggle fell from Dan’s lips, unexpected and high-pitched. “Yes he is, just wants go back for graduation and then leave Wokingham behind. Why do you ask?” he looked into those blue eyes with a curious look on his face.

“No reason, just asking.”

After this admittedly strange exchange, they both returned their attention back to Free! where Haruka was about to dive into the pool.

\---

“Do you see Alex? What am I saying, you haven’t met him, how would you know what he looks like. God, I hope he didn’t miss the train. What if he got stuck somewhere halfway...” Dan was rambling, so obviously nervous for nothing. He was running his hands through his hair, tugging on it to.

“Dan, calm down. Alex texted you ten minutes ago that he was almost here. The train hasn’t been announced yet. He’ll be fine. He’s a smart guy. Just take a breath.” Phil gently pulled Dan’s hands away from his head.

To anyone else on the station, they looked like a couple. Standing close, in their own bubble. Reading into each other, and responding perfectly. Alex observed them from a little ways away. Dan’s brother seemed so happy, for the first time in a long time. Alex didn’t want their bubble to burst, but it was pretty busy on the platform and he was in the way.

“Dan! Over here!” he waved his arms in the air, for emphasis. Dan looked up in shock, a blush rising on his cheeks. He smiled wildly when he met Alex’ eyes. He sprinted to him, and hugged him to his chest. Their difference in height was almost comical. Dan stood at 1.91 meters and Alex stood at a mere 1.55 meters.

Phil approached slowly, giving the two brothers some time alone. The scene was a sight to see, two people so similar in appearance standing in the middle of the station. This morning when they’d left for the station, Phil had brought his camera, for no particular reason. Now it seemed more than just a whim or coincidence.

He took the camera and zoomed in slightly, focussing on the two brothers embracing in the crowd. He made a mental note to edit the picture to make the people surrounding them blur.

“Did you just take a picture of us?” Dan looked at him, having just released his brother. He was grinning at Phil, an arm still slung over his brother’s shoulder.

“Alex, meet Phil, who takes pictures of people instead of properly greeting them. Phil, this is Alex, who you’ve already scared off.”

Alex grinned, and held out his hand for Phil to shake. “Don’t worry, I lived with Dan when he was in his emo phase. Nothing can scare me anymore. Except maybe when he made his first skirt, and it ripped whilst we were visiting our grandma. He was just standing there, in his undies, completely mortified. Best day of my life!”

Dan was blushing furiously now, and hit Alex in the arm repeatedly. He attempted to say ‘shut up’ over the other two’s laughter. Eventually giggles started escaping from his mouth too.

“Come on, we have a lot to do today.” Phil lifted the bags and started towards the exit of the station.

\---

“So, Daniel, when where you going to tell me you found a man? Thought I raised you better than this.” Alex grinned devilishly. He dodged the half-arsed punch his brother threw at his shoulder. He turned left to the apartment they were viewing.

“Shut up! He is not my man. As much as I want to...” Dan was interrupted by his brother’s scream. He turned in concern, only to see his brother staring at him with a look of utter joy.

“You like him! Oh I am going to have the greatest time here!” Alex stopped when they reached the right address. The apartment complex was rundown, trash was resting against the wall.

“Alex, I don’t think you’ll want to live here. The wall over there says ‘Queers must Die!’. This is not the right place for you.” Dan stirred them around and away from the building. Looking around the neighbourhood, it seemed like those type of exclaims were all over the buildings.

“Well, then I have nowhere to go. This is the only thing I can afford near campus. Dan, what am I going to do?” Alex looked a little panicked. His breathing picked up in speed, and his legs grew a little weak. “I can’t go back to mum and dad. They want a daughter, I’m not their daughter. I don’t want to be seen as their daughter.” His hands were in his hair, tugging on the strands that came out from under his beanie.

“Alex, breathe. It’s going to be okay. We’ll find a way. You will never have to feel like that again. Come on, we’re going to Phil’s and relaxing for the rest of the night.” Dan led him to the nearest tube station, rubbing his back soothingly. Alex had been having panic attacks since he was in his early teens. Dan came to know that it was mostly induced by his dysphoria.

He pulled his phone from his pocket, sending a text to Phil that they were on their way. He didn’t know why, but he felt he needed to go to Phil’s house, not his own home. He’d been spending so much time there, it almost felt like a second home.

**Phil**

_ Is everything okay? Thought you were going to be out till late checking out houses. 1.36 PM _

Phil, always so considerate, always so wonderful. Dan really was fucked.

**Phil**

_ Text me when you’re near. I’ll get the snacks and movie set up. 1.38 PM _

**Dan**

_ About five minutes away. Thank you. 1.41 PM _

\---

They were settled on the couch, all eyes on the television. Occasionally the crackling of a crisps bag sounded, or the crunching of crisps sounded in the room.

The peace was disrupted by Dan’s phone ringing. He picked up the call. After a rushed conversation, Dan stood up rapidly. He looked a little frantic. “That was one of my classmates. I share a workspace with him at Ravensbourne. Someone spilled coke over my final project. I have to go see if I can save it, otherwise I’m fucked.”

He was out of the flat in minutes, mumbling about stupid first years. Phil and Alex looked at one another one the couch, mostly confused. Phil reached for the remote and paused the movie.

“So you do have any more embarrassing stories about Dan that I can tease him about? I need some good material.”

Alex grinned wickedly. He looked so much like Dan, it was almost scary. He launched into stories about Dan’s teenage years.

“So, at eighteen, our parents wanted Dan to study law at Manchester. He didn’t agree and when he said he was going to Manchester to apply, he was actually on his way to Ravensbourne University, London. By the time our parents found out, he was well into his second year, and had a very promising internship at a fashion design company. Our parents were never the most involved parents out there, but they cared. It wasn’t until they found out about Dan’s ambition that it took a turn for the worse. They nearly cut all contact with him. During that time, I started living outside of our home more and more. I slept over at friends, family and tried to be home as little as possible.” Alex took a deep breath. Somehow they’d ended up talking about the Howell siblings’ parental situation.

“Dan reached out to me, and begged me not to say a word to our parents. He helped me discover me, and came up with the name Alex. Then, half a year ago, mum and dad reached out to Dan. they wanted to catch up with him. So we set up a day where we would come down to London. That’s how we ended up at the café. Then Dan came out, and everything crashed. I’m not allowed to go out, and they are convinced I’m in Liverpool with one of my friends to look into the university options. Dan gave me an out. He gave me a way to freedom. But my finances are in the way. The neighbourhood that’s close to my new school is homophobic, has slurs written on every wall. It’s the only place I can afford that is within traveling distance.”

A silence fell over the two. Phil was racking his brain. There was something on the edge of his brain, an idea forming gradually.

“I might have just found a way to solve your housing problem. I have three bedrooms in this flat. I don’t know why I ever bought it. I wanted to turn one into an office, but that wasn’t necessary. One of them is a guest bedroom, and one is just empty. I’ve been thinking about getting a flatmate. I just don’t want a stranger living with me. Would you maybe move in? If you want you can pay some sort of cost of living.”

Before the last sentence was properly out of his mouth, Alex launched himself across the couch and threw his arms around Phil.

“Thank you! Thank you so much! God, you don’t know how good a person you are.”

Phil blushed and hugged the boy back. “I do want to ask you something else, but I’ll wait until Dan gets back.”

As if on cue the front door opened. (Phil had given Dan a spare key because Phil’s tendency to lose his keys occurred frequently.) Dan shouted out ‘I’m back’ and let the door fall in the lock.

“So I managed to save my garment, and not kill the first year who spilled the coke. Are you proud of me yet?” he came into the lounge, hair tousled like when he ran his hands through it too much. Why did Phil now that he’d done that. Maybe because he’d seen him do it so much. He looked exhausted, and frankly, kind of adorable.

“Dan! Right on time. Phil has offered to take me in as flatmate. Also he wanted to ask us both something, so shut up and sit down.” Alex pushed his brother down on the sofa between himself and Phil.

“So, I’m working on a new project at the BBC. They want me to host a special, and I can decide what it’s about. I’ve got an idea set up, and invited several guests to be there too. Wait I have the website on my laptop…” Phil fumbled around with his laptop for a few minutes before turning the screen towards the two Howells.

**_Cheer for all those who are queer!_ **

Dan’s breath hitched, and then he looked up at Phil. “you invited UK’s most well-known LGBT+ YouTubers, and they’re going to be there to speak?! That’s amazing Phil, congrats!”

Phil swallowed and smiled gratefully at Dan. “I want to start the conversation on acceptance from family and how this is a topic that’s kept under wraps. I wanted to ask you two if you want to accompany me, talk about your personal situation, and help me present the whole thing. I never had to deal with unaccepting parents. When I came out as bisexual, they were accepting. I don’t want to be /that/ person that gives tips whilst knowing absolutely nothing.” Phil took another deep breath.

“So would you do me the honour of presenting ‘Cheer for all those who are Queer!’ with me?”

Dan looked between the screen and Phil, mouth gaping. “You want me, a fashion major, who is the most unknown person in Britain, to host a radio special?! You are insane! Yes, I’ll do it.”

Alex looked up hesitantly. “I’d love to, but when is the special. I can’t do it before graduation. Mum and dad don’t know yet.”

“That’s why I asked my boss if I could do it after your official graduation. He agreed. We can get you settled and then we’ll do the actual special.” Phil smiled oh so softly, eyes shining.

Before anything else could be said or done, Dan tackled Phil into a hug, throwing them both onto the side of the sofa unoccupied. Alex wolf whistled loudly, but Dan ignored it in favour of saying what he’d been thinking for a while now.

“Phil, you are the best person I’ve met in a long time. God, what would we Howells do without you? I love you.”

Dan stiffened, his hold on Phil going tense. Alex coughed and Phil grew still. After a short, tense silence, Phil exhaled slowly.

“I love you too.” It was soft, barely above a whisper. Slowly, they pulled back from the hug. Dan turned to look at Alex, only to see him munching on crisps whilst staring at them.

Suddenly laughter bubbled up in Dan’s throat. He barked out a half laugh, before properly dissolving into laughter. Alex nearly choked on his crisps before succumbing to the laughter to it too.

Phil looked between the two Howell brothers, amused yet confused. His grin turned into little giggles which eventually grew into full on laughter.

\---

Later in the night, they were watching Ant-man. Phil yawned discreetly, at least what he thought was discreetly. But Dan caught him out on it, only he was judging to soon, as before he could say anything he yawned with his mouth wide open.

“You guys can crash here. I’m not letting you get on the Tube at this hour of the night. Alex I’ll show you what will be your bedroom. Dan, I haven’t cleaned the guest bedroom in a while, so you can take my bed and I’ll sleep on the sofa.” Phil got up and gathered the dirty dishes stashed on the coffee table. Dan swiftly got up to help him. Alex was half asleep, mumbling something about making things tiny.

“Absolutely not! You cannot sleep on that sofa. We’ll share the bed. I don’t mind at all.” He put force behind his words by setting down the dirty dishes, maybe a tad too hard. He turned to Phil, who had turned on the tab to start the dishes. Dan lay a hand on his, and pushed the tab closed.

“And you are not doing the dishes right now. We’ll do it in the morning, together. I helped create the dishes, after all.”

Phil just smiled at the man in front of him, looking so different from the one he’d met in front of the café three months ago. His smiled reached his eyes, dimples were etched into his cheeks. He stood up straight, shoulders right and an air of confidence about him that seemed to make him glow.

Phil step forward and pulled him in for a hug. They stood there with their arms around one another for a while. Eventually Dan pulled away, immensely reluctant to release Phil’s warm body.

“Come on, you look like you’re going to fall asleep right here. Let’s go to bed.”

Dan found that he couldn’t defy the softly spoken command.

As the night passed Dan turned from his side of Phil’s bed to the warm body next to him. He had always been a sucker for spooning.

When Phil woke up he felt warm. No, not warm, hot almost uncomfortably so. Almost, but not quite, because of the amazing smell and the soft puffs of air that touched Phil’s face. His arms were wrapped around Dan who was sprawled out partly on top and partly against his side, in a weird way. Somehow, it was comfortable, because he was fast asleep and occasionally hummed under his breath.

Phil laid there, content to be in this moment. He felt so much for the man that sleeping so close to him. He wanted him to have everything he needed.

After a while of Phil creepily staring, Dan started to wake up. First his humming became more of a soft groaning, then he started to breathe deeper.

“Good morning, handsome.” Phil didn’t know where the nickname had come form, but he damn sure didn’t regret it.

“Mmm, right back at you,” Dan mumbled, face now pressed directly into Phil’s bare chest. Phil slept without a shirt most nights, except when it was freezing out.

He looked up from his comfortable spot, into Phil’s bright eyes, intensified by the morning sun coming in.

“God, can you not look so beautiful when you wake up?!” Dan sounded almost offended, yet it was massively outweighed by the fondness and utter adoration in his voice.

“Says the model. You look like you’re doing a photoshoot, not like you’ve just woken up. I just want to kiss the sleep off your face.”

Dan’s breathing hitched. “What’s stopping you? Not me.”

Phil leaned forward and captured Dan’s lips between his own. Like everything else about the blue-eyed man, his lips were soft and warm, delicate and somehow even caring.

A whine left Dan’s throat before he responded, if a bit too eager. Phil slowed him back down, till they were kissing softly, dare Dan say, lovingly.

Their lips disconnected, but before either could pull away completely, Phil pecked Dan’s lips once. “We should get up. I want a good bowl of cereal.”

So they wandered into the kitchen. Dan decided to let Alex sleep for a little bit. He deserved it.

Sat at Phil’s kitchen table, spooning cereal, whilst occasionally smiling at Phil, made Dan feel so warm inside.

“So, I wanted to ask you. Would you want to be my boyfriend?” Phil smiled slightly as he asked.

Dan dropped his spoon into the bowl, staring up in awe at his friend... no boyfriend. “Yes. God I’ve wanted to hear that so bad.” He reached for Phil’s hand across the table and smiled fondly at him.

“Ugh, gross! Get a room you two.” Alex stood in the doorway of the kitchen, a mixture of amusement and disinterest on his face.

“Fuck off Alex!”

\----

“Good afternoon Britain, and welcome to BBC Radio One. I’m Phil Lester and I’ll be hosting a special event today. ‘Cheer for all those who are Queer!’. Presenting alongside me are Dan Howell and Alex Howell….”

Dan smiled at his boyfriend as he chatted away to a room full of people, and a large portion of the population of Britain.

God he was lucky.


	8. Birthday Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a birthday fic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy birhtday to the amazing Dan Howell, who turns 27 today

Dan woke up to gentle licks to his face, accompanied by fur tickling his neck and face. He grumbled as he pushed Storm away, clinging to the edges of sleep that threatened to leave entirely.

When his dog kept licking his face, maybe even more persistent, Dan finally responded.

"I'm awake, Storm. I'll get you your food."

Storm yipped happily and jumped of Dan's chest. Dan rolled over onto his side to pick up his phone. He swiped to open Twitter, seeing as he had a particular high amount of notifications.  
 ** **@historicdan****   _cailin_ :  
Can you believe this man turns 27 today. He's grown up so much.    

     

Most of mentions had something similar in them, ranging from sweet to creepy.

If it weren't for his twitter following, he would have forgotten his own birthday. No text from his family members, not that he'd been expecting any.

Dan shrugged his duvet of himself. The already warm air hit his chest and legs. It was just so humid in June.

As he began to walk to the kitchen, Storm let put a bark, followed by the patter of paws on hardwood floor.

Seconds later the doorbell rang, explaining the dog’s sudden behaviour. Dan grumbled under his breath as he changed course. He didn’t remember any parcels being delivered to his house today. He entered the hallway and pushed Storm behind himself.

He pulled the door open, maybe slightly harsher than intended.

“Just give the parcel...” Dan trailed of as he looked up into the face of what he’d presumed to be the delivery man.

“That’s no way to greet your boyfriend, is it?” Phil smirked at him, letting his gaze travel across Dan’s exposed chest and legs. He stepped forward and laid his arms around Dan’s shoulders.

“Happy birthday Bear,” he whispered, and gently kissed him. As they languidly moved their lips together, Phil pushed them further into the hallway, and closed the door with his foot.

They would have kept going if it weren’t for the loud bark and wet nose on their intertwined hands. Phil pulled back with a laugh and bent down to greet Storm.

“And of course happy birthday to the best boy in the world.” Phil pat the golden retriever on his head.

“As I say every year, it isn’t his actual birthday. Now pay attention to me..,” Dan whined. He tugged at his boyfriend’s hand, demanding attention. He huffed when the other didn’t respond immediately.

“It is his birthday, because on this day he became a part of your heart, and that in itself is a wondrous feeling. So he deserves some attention.” Phil giggled at his boyfriend’s impatience.

“I might’ve lied yesterday when I said I couldn’t stay the night. I had to get your present ready.” He smiled and tugged Dan towards him again to connect their lips.

As they wandered into the kitchen for their breakfast and Storm’s food, Phil stroked the velvet box in his pocket. It might be the most cliché present ever, but Dan Howell deserved the world.


	9. Love Knows No Language

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Language is one of the most beautiful things in the world according to Dan, besides history. And maybe the man he meets in Xanten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the @phanfichallenge language challenge. i finally got to make use of my bilingual eductaion, as well as my educaion in the classics.  
> Historical disclaimer: Both the timeline and desricption and other historical relevances in both Xanten and Heerlen were changed to fit this fic.  
> Language disclaimer: I’m Dutch, I sucked at German before i dropped the subject in school so i used google translate. i can’t garuantee that the translations are correct.  
> If you want to read translation of the dialogue that is not in English, there will be a link to a document below.  
> TW: like a few swearwords, mentions of WWII.  
> https://docs.google.com/document/d/1oYyV4Bp-B2LDK-V8yF9KegWEWHgFAYS5nxrnWfipjtk/edit?usp=sharing

Archaeologists aren’t known for their communication skills. Maybe that’s why the profession had appealed to Dan so much. It was the ultimate way to fuel his inner history nerd. He’d rather not stand in front of a group of uninterested teenagers and try to explain just how the Dutch government fucked up at the start of the Second World War. The people he talked to about history were all people who could retort with proper, educated arguments that actually made for a proper debate.

At the end of primary school, all of his peers declared Dan insane because he did not just choose the highest level of secondary school education, but also bilingual education and classical studies in the form of Latin and Ancient Greek language lessons.

When Dan was 16, he was at a C2 level English, considered near-native. At 18, after just graduated high school, he could recite parts of Greek and Roman literature by heart in English, Dutch and the original language.

In university Dan studied archaeology, and managed to get an internship at the bathhouse ruins in Maastricht. He worked on the ruins, and their function in Roman times. During one of the days where they were researching the ruins up close, Dan found some mostly faded text written on a part of stone. The stone had previously been believed to have formed a path between two baths, to ensure the feet of people stayed clean during the bathing process. But the stone turned out to be a part of a poem that hung over the entrance to the baths.

When he was done with his study, he got an offer from the Rijksdienst voor het Cultureel Erfgoed to work on an excavation in Xanten, just over the border in Germany. The archaeological site would house many experts from all sorts of countries.

To say Dan was excited would be an incredible understatement. He was also incredibly nervous. Some of the names on the list were experienced archaeologist, some of whom had even worked on the ruins of Pompeii and the like.

So there he was, at a mere 24 years old, standing in the small town of Xanten. As he turned down the next street towards his hotel he bumped into a figure standing just after the corner. The person stumbled forward, almost falling face forward on the ground.

“Oh god, het spijt me! Ik zag je echt niet. Gaat het goed met je?” Dan’s hands shot out to steady the stranger by the elbow. The stranger turned to him, curly hair whipping into green eyes, staring back bright and clear at Dan.

“Je weet toch dat je in Duitsland bent? Ik denk toch echt dat de Duitsers je niet zullen begrijpen. Maar, gaat prima, niks aan de hand. Het is m’n eigen schuld, wie stopt er nou midden op straat?!” The man grinned widely at Dan.

“Oja. Gelukkig ben ik tegen een Nederlander aangebotst. Ik ben Dan. Eigenlijk heet ik Daniël, maar ik kwam erachter dat buitenlanders die naam niet goed uitspreken, dus…” Dan trailed off, scratching the back of his head somewhat awkwardly. Explaining to Dutch people just why he used Dan instead of Daniël, was still mostly met with confusion and people downright being uninterested.

“Ik ben PJ, en ik snap je volledig. Ik ben verhuisd vanuit Engeland naar Nederland toen ik nog een baby was. Mijn ouders hebben me een Engelse naam gegeven, die in Nederland gezien wordt als een typefout. Pas toen ik archeologisch onderzoek begon te doen in het buitenland, snapte mensen mijn naam weer. Iedereen spreekt Engels met elkaar, en alles is universeel bepaald.”

Dan smiled along with the words. It was something he could recognize. Universal unity granted an understanding even with language barriers in place. Maths, physics and chemistry needed little language, and didn’t differ much from country to country.

“Dus jij werkt ook aan het Xanten onderzoek? Dan ken ik tenminste al iemand voordat we beginnen.” As they had been talking, they’d started walking towards the hotel.

Once they arrived at the lobby Dan hesitated. He’d never done well in German class, and had dropped the subject as soon as he could so that he could finally be rid of it. Now he regretted it a little. He could barely introduce himself, or ask for directions.

“Ich… um… ich habe ein Zimmer… shit, sorry, I reserved room under the name of Howell. Sorry, I suck at German.” He awkwardly smiled at the receptionist who looked up at him kindly before returning to her computer.

“Well you tried at the very least. Most foreigners don’t even attempt to talk German. Your room is ready. 4th floor, room number 12. Have a nice day.” The woman smiled kindly as she handed him the key to the room.

“Tot later, Daniël!” PJ called joyfully before the lift closed. Dan stuck his hand up as a final greeting. The lift closed and started ascending. Dan took a deep breath and prepared himself mentally for the days to come.

\---

In hindsight, Dan won’t be able to explain why he was so nervous the day before. Everyone was just as much of a history nerd as he was and there was hardly any competing. They just all wanted to uncover the secrets of Xanten.

At the start of the project, they had been assigned a certain area of the site, as well as a partner. Dan was assigned the eastern corner of the site together with PJ and a few German archaeologists and a few British ones.

He’d mostly worked with PJ, who he truly worked well with. They been working on a bit that had stuck out already. It was still mostly buried, but some parts of it were already uncovered after a week of 10 hour days, carefully brushing away dirt and sand from layers of stone.

There was talk amongst their group that it could possibly be an amphitheatre, but they didn’t want to get their hopes up just yet. Just the day before they had exposed a part of a stone staircase, which was only proving their theory.

Dan was bent over a large stone. It was on the outside of the big circular area. He had been working on it for two days now with a bigger brush to get as much dirt off it as possible. He was so absorbed that he didn’t catch PJ’s words. He just hummed lightly in answer to it. It seemed to satisfy him, as no follow-up came.

The bristles of Dan’s brush caught on something. There was an indent in the stone. Dan held his breath for a second. Could it be…?

“PJ, Kan je me een klein kwastje aangeven, ik denk dat ik iets gevonden heb?” Dan heard some footsteps behind him.

“Könntest du das wiederholen, ich habe es nicht verstanden?” A deep voice behind him spoke up, most definitely not PJ. Dan turned his gaze from the stone up to the voice.

Standing behind him was a gorgeous man with a look of confusion mixed with amusement on his face. Once again Dan’s breath caught in his throat, this time because this stranger had the most intense blue eyes he’d ever seen. For just a moment he forgot how to speak any language at all. Then he realised he’d been asked a question.

“Ich habe keine Ahnung, was du von mir verlangst…. I think that was right. It’s the only thing I remember.” Dan chuckled awkwardly. He still hadn’t stopped staring this man in the eye.

“It was actually. You nailed it, although you don’t have to be super formal. Guess that’s what they teach in other countries. Anyway, I’m Phil and I asked if you could repeat yourself, as I didn’t quite get what you said.” As he said this, Phil extended his hand for Dan to shake.

“Oh, I asked PJ if he could hand me a smaller brush, I found something. I’m Dan by the way, and PJ seems to have disappeared on me.” Dan accepted the handshake. His grip was strong, warm and pleasant. Dan didn’t want to let go of his hand, like ever. Sadly Phil dropped his hand.

It turned out it was just to get exactly what Dan had asked for: a small brush, perfect for the maybe discovery he’d made. He took the brush, intentionally letting their fingers brush.

“Thank you,” Dan breathed out. He steadied the brush in his hand and turned back to the stone. He looked at where his other brush had caught. He raised his hand back to the stone and gently started to sweep the indent in the stone, following the curve of the words.

As he worked, bit by bit letters appeared out of the dirt. Dan had gotten caught up in it again, and didn’t realise Phil was watching along with him over his shoulder till he heard his small intake of breath.

ICTIUS C F VALGUS  
CIUS M F DOUVIR  
COLONIAI HONORIS  
SPECTACULADESUS  
COER ET COLONEIS  
INPERPETUOM DEDER

“I think you just found something indeed,” Phil breathed in his ear. Dan looked over his shoulder, only to be inches away from the other’s face.

“I think so too…” Dan trailed off, his breath fawning out against Phil’s lips. He leant forward a tiny bit, and let their lips brush lightly. He pulled away abruptly, when he heard a throat being cleared.

“I leave you alone for five minutes and you’re snogging a German. Honestly, do I have to babysit you,” PJ sighed mockingly. Dan knew he said it English on purpose, as to tease Dan and have Phil understand it as well.

“What do you think the inscription means? It doesn’t look complete. That first bit seems to be the end of a verb. I think I read somewhere about a Valgus,” Dan was muttering to himself mostly, and honestly wasn’t expecting an answer.

“It’s about an honourable colony. Something spectacular. We’ll have to do extensive research and translation to figure out what exactly means. You should propose it to the project leaders,” Phil said softly.

So Dan did just that. His proposal was accepted, and he was asked to work together with someone else to translate the entire plate. He chose both Phil and PJ, who he knew would work well with him.

They spent days working out what the lost parts were supposed be, and how the translation should come together. It was one late night, sat in Phil’s hotel room, that Dan finally pieced the last bits together.

He turned to Phil, PJ having left an hour ago to Skype with some friends. The excitement was readable on his face, and Phil was next to him in an instant, looking at Dan’s laptop.

Displayed on the screen was a Word document, with several variations of the text written out in both English and Latin. Most weren’t completely, or had already been crossed off as an option that was wrong.

But there at the bottom of the page, was an English paragraph, completed and selected.

“Caius Quinctius Valgus son of Caius and Marcus Porcius son of Marcus, as the mayors of fifth year, for expression of honor for the colony, had built at his own expense the building for the shows, and donate it to the citizens of the colony in perpetuity”

Phil read it over and over, letting the words sink in. it wasn’t an unusual inscription for a public building like an Amphitheatre, but it was still incredibly exciting. They now had not only an indicator of the time, but also a major breakthrough.

“Dan, this is... amazing! You actually managed to translate and complete the inscription. You’re amazing.” They were close together, their breaths mixing between them.

Simultaneously they leaned forward, their lips crashing together. The kiss was heated, no softness or tenderness to be felt. It was so right.

Dan felt everything falling into place. He could die like this.

Phil pulled away, breathing heavily. “Scheiße, du bist so sexy. Ich kann wegen deines Mundes nicht denken.” He kept his face close to Dan’s, refusing to let this gorgeous man out of his sight.

“I have no clue what you just said, but who knew German could sound so sexy. I could do this forever." so he did just that. He kissed Phil again, and again, deep into the night.

So yes, maybe people didn’t understand why Dan loved languages so much. They didn’t understand when he told them he was bilingual, not because of family, but by choice. They didn’t understand why he complicated his own education for six years.

They only understood when they met Phil, and realised that the two communicated primarily in English. They didn’t understand though, that their love was not bound to the languages they spoke.

It was just a small perk that they were both slowly becoming trilingual. It did help when your parent reverted back to his native when emotions were running high.

“I will never regret having learned as many languages as I’ve learned. Not all of them might seem useful, but love will never have a language. Liefde is sterk. Liebe ist bedingungslos. Amor immortalem. Eh agapeh paramenei. Lámour est beau.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what i said about the Dutch government is in no way entirely true. it’s an extravigation of a true event. if you want to know what happened in more detail, you can send me a message on Tumblr and i’ll be happy to explain. or you could google it


End file.
